This week: Hetero-mods, criminal Mob, rave stethoscopes

Plus: Remembering Ginger!

"edited" by AL SOUTH

sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

F I want everyone to know that even though Geri is gone GIRL POWER never dies! We must continue to hold our heads up high! We must continue to be creative! We must continue to realize that girl power is in ALL of us! [BLEEP!]

F I'm just calling to express my outrage and anguish due to the fact Ginger Spice has left the Spice Girls! I think that it's crazy! Why? Why? WHY? They couldn't even be responsible enough to finish their tour?! What could be so bad? Did she want more money? Did they tell her she was FAT? Did they tell her she had a big nose? Did she sleep with all their boyfriends? Now women will no longer have an icon with BIG SHOES to look up to--only those other bimbos! I am VERY upset! [BLEEP!]

F I think I'm going crazy! Last Friday I went to Club 281 and although the music was awful and cheesy, there was this one stripper who was so beautiful that right now he is making me think of nothing more than SUCKING HIS BONE! I have a book report due tomorrow and it's 11 p.m. and ALL I can think about is having sex with this guy! [BLEEP!]

F I just read a rant about Swirl 4 and I would like to leave my own rant about this party. I was there and I had an incredibly BAD TRIP--I thought I was going to die--and I went to the medical place and they didn't even have a fucking STETHOSCOPE! They were not equipped to deal with any OD's. There were no ambulances there--nothing! I'm a veteran of the rave scene--I've been going for three years--and I'm never going again! [BLEEP!]

M Okay, this whole MOD equals Brit-pop thing is disturbing me. I don't think you can really consider bands like Pulp to be mod bands. They have nothing to do with the '60s or even the mod revival in 1979. If you consider yourself to be a mod and all you listen to is Oasis and think that SCOOTERS are cool fashion accessories, but know nothing about them, or if you think that R&B means Puff Daddy 'coz you never heard of Otis Redding, then there's something WRONG with you. This is not mod! It's a misnomer. It is Brit-pop--which I love--but it's not the same thing! And with regards to the whole gay thing, I am heterosexual and I know of at least one other mod guy who likes girls. [BLEEP!]

M Hi, this is Mike the Infrequently Heard Ska guy calling about the so-called mod scene and lack thereof here in Montreal. Let me tell you something about mod: mods' lives certainly don't revolve around Brit-pop. Real mods listen to American R&B--as I do. So far In this city I've only met about 20 Mod-oriented people, most of whom are frequenting the ska and garage scenes. I DJ Wednesday night at Flipsides and I play ska, R&B, soul and reggae--hopefully some of you real mods will be into these sounds, so drop by. And girls: if you think that the mod guys in Montreal are all gay--not that there is anything wrong with that--then maybe you should look ME up. Jesus, that sounds PATHETIC. [BLEEP!]

F This is to the guy who is pissed off about Bran Van 3000 playing in the Jazz Festival. Look, either you don't support Montreal bands or you don't know what music is because I WORK IN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY and I think Bran Van deserve to play wherever they feel like playing. They are multi-talented and it's great for Montreal. [BLEEP!]

F I'm calling to complain about these Montreal promoters who don't check when they're putting their parties together to see if the performers they're bringing into town have CRIMINAL RECORDS. You pay your money and then you find out that these people can't get into the country because of their criminal records! I'm talking about Goodie Mob. I paid $45 to see them and what did I get? Nothing. [BLEEP!]

M This is Luc the Anti-racist and I appreciate you guys printing my rant last week but you made a mistake. You see, I didn't get into a fight with the Polish guy; I got FRIED with the Polish guy! Sheesh, you make me sound illogical. [BLEEP!]

M This is Sgt. Werewolf calling. Being one of the Operation SalAMI commandos at the Sheraton hotel on Monday and Wednesday, I would like to personally thank TVA, TQS, Radio-Canada, Global TV, and CFCF 12 for ignoring--rather, neutralizing--the success of our mission there. Big Brother is very well and alive in Quebec and doesn't want you to know that DIRECT ACTION works! We had confirmation of this from one of our people inside the hotel that full refunds of all the conference money are being made to the conference attendees. In other words, we blew apart the entire conference--nobody did what they came to do!! And, on that note, a big war cry going out to all the DRUMMERS who were there--and whom I played with--because if you can't dance to it, I don't want to be a part of your revolution. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum