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Nobody's darling >> Danko Jones, the anti-hype king by JOHNSON CUMMINS
It is within these hallowed halls (or rather, sound-insulated cubicles), that we wave our magic wands that hold the power to turn you into an overnight sensation, or more often than not, crush your puny musical career before you can say Dee Snider. After our weekly round table discussion on how incredibly clever all us music journalists are, we plan out what young hopefuls will be hitching the weekly ride on our comet to the stars. With a spin of the editor's wheel I learn that my lucky recipient of a blurb in our coveted pages this week is the mighty Danko Jones. If you've seen this man at work you know exactly what I mean. Sleek and classy as a '55 El Dorado, Danko Jones (aka The Mango Kid) plays rock 'n' roll of the sexiest order. His self-titled debut blast on Sonic Unyon takes liberal parts of Thin Lizzy, the Makers and Otis Redding and whips into to a froth brimming with all the class of a French tickler. The real deal, though, is the Danko Jones live show. From the moment the jacket hanging off his shoulders hits the ground, it's 30 minutes of the classiest rock 'n' roll you're likely to see. I set up an interview with this sultan of suave and waited for the phone to ring with my ecstatic overnight media darling. For some reason the phone doesn't ring at our allotted interview time. Considering he's a "critic's favourite" I decide to give him another chance. But after he misses the other allotted time I give up and actually get his number and call the smarmy little bastard on my dime. MIRROR: Hey, Mango Kid, it's the Mirror on the line. How about this interview, anyway? The Mango Kid: Oh yeah. Well look, the only reason I'm going to do this is because my record company wants me to. M: How come you don't want to do the interview? MK: Because I think interviews are bullshit! When this band started, we all agreed we would never do them because they're so stupid. What the hell can I say about our music in words that could better describe it than just hearing it? M: Well, okay. We'll start off slow. Is Danko Jones your real name? MK: That's none of your business. You can call me The Mango Kid. I hate anybody knowing anything about me outside of the band. Offstage I try and distance myself as far away from this silly business as possible. M: Hmmm... what are your views on the resurgence of rock 'n' roll? MK: I think that Danko Jones is the last hurrah for rock 'n' roll. I go to shows and they just bore the hell out of me. I always walk away thinking I should have just stayed at home and listened to the record instead. There's just too much music out there right now and most people who claim to like rock 'n' roll don't even know much about it. Y'know, people actually think NOFX is rock and roll!" M: The Toronto press has called you guys the "next big thing" and despite giving hardly any interviews, you still manage to be the king of hype. How do you do it? MK: Well, most bands are stupid and play the little game of paying their dues and whatever. At least I know that 80 per cent of the music industry including music journalists are just uhh... funny. Shmoozing and licking butt is not my pastime, and that's probably why we end up telling people to fuck off. M: Any parting words? MK: Whatever. Danko Jones lets the music do the talking at Café Campus with locals Shimmer on Saturday, May 30, 9pm, $5 at the door
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Once a week I go to the holiest of all holy places, the music department of the Montreal Mirror. As per usual I find myself forced to fight through members of local bands that converge near the entrance on McGill Street in hopes of getting these "golden ears" to listen to their shitty demo tapes. As I elbow these "rising stars" aside I finally make it through the doors of this magical dream factory.