|
This week: Oompah-punk, old school props, figure skating, nature things. Plus: Phone line skanks! "edited" by AL SOUTH sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT M (w/ German accent) This is Gunther from the renowned OOMPAH-PUNK band known as The Subumlauts. I'm calling about that fellow who complained about all the German musicians in town. I think pinning the fact that you are an incompetent musician on the German people is disgusting. Drown your sorrows in BEER and then go learn your scales. [BLEEP!] M This is not a disrespect to Goldylocks, but he did not do the first Canadian breakdance competition. I hope you realiZe that breakdancing has existed for over 20 years in Montreal--people have been breakdancing since back in the early '80s. For Lateef to say otherwise is to disrespect the OLD SCHOOL. But what Goldylocks is doing is very good and I'm glad that he's keeping it alive. Thank you. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, this is regarding Goldylocks and his breakdance competition. It was NOT the first official breakdance competition: none of us would have had a hip hop scene if it hadn't been for the original CKGM Quality Crew. If it weren't for the old school sticking to their guns and keeping it strong with hip hop and rap at a time when everyone was dissing it, none of these new school kids would be rapping. We think Goldylocks did a very good party, and we wish him more success, but don't dis us. None of these boys would've been growing DREADLOCKS or anything if we hadn't stuck our asses out there--gettin' kicked out of the metros and being dissed by the public, sayin' we got nothing going on and we're all losers. So just give us our props and we'll give 'em back to you. [BLEEP!]
M Hi, I'm just calling to say that I'm fed up with all the television coverage of FIGURE SKATING--although I was highly amused by the telecasters' comments when a couple from France pretended to be hip by dressing in black plastic and using techno music in their routine. The female telecaster actually said, "It hurts my ears," while her male counterpart quipped, "I thought there was a fire alarm going off in the building." Personally, I think there should be a new hybrid sport: mixed nude RUGBY--males and females side by side grunting naked in the mud. Now that would be worth watching! [BLEEP!] M Hey, the Montreal music scene really, really sucks. If you want good music you oughta listen to Beethoven or Chopin. All that stuff is good--if you like good music. But if you don't, come see the Dezz, performing with 14 other notorious Montreal bands, like Porn Star, Glow and Temptress Cry, on April 17th at the Hellenic Federation. If you want an extremely cheap ticket for this amazing night of music and localarity, contact the Dezz@yahoo.com. All right, THE DEZZ!!! [BLEEP!] M My name is Steve and I'm calling about those two bars that closed, Backstreet and Purple Haze. I think these bars closed 'coz they all play the same hits. They should have played more of the underground stuff than only playing the same top 40 alternative hits. The Buzz 99.9 is in the USA, not in Canada. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, this is about the '80s coming back, I mean, fuck! I thought we had at least a two-decade buffer zone between shit decades. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, I'm calling in reference to that guy who had the tar cocaine problem. He still owes me MONEY and you can tell him that I'll be at the (names popular local den of iniquity) to collect what's coming to me. [BLEEP!] M (manic) This is the ex-tar powder cocaine addict. Well, I take it all back, man, I'm back on it. It's the greatest fuckin' thing ever invented. WOW!!! [BLEEP!] F This is for all the Americans who come to town thinking they're going to get laid by Montreal girls. Well, you're WRONG. We just use you for your money--and sometimes the sex is real good. Thanks. [BLEEP!] M I'm calling to rant about those rip-off porno line commercials that give you a totally free 1-800 number to call. When you call, there's just this really bad sensual voice that tells you to call another number--a 900 number! Well, let me tell you something. Those SKANKS aren't getting none of my fuckin' money. And yes--I'm a fuckin' pervert for trying the number. So sue me. Thank you. [BLEEP!] M Hey, my name is Mike and I live on the corner of St-Marc and Ste-Catherine and my rant is about this new noodle place that just opened up on the corner--their exhaust goes right into the street. Every time I walk by, it's like getting punched in the face with a bowl of RAMEN. [BLEEP!] M This is Howard calling. I saw a documentary a while ago, I think on Nature Things or something, and they showed a whale's penis and it was ENORMOUS. It's a big slimy looking, triangular kind of thing--I can't imagine that an elephant's penis is bigger. There you go. [BLEEP!] Next week: Open forum
Got an opinion on the local music scene? |