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This week: jam mayhem, Bobzilla's Britpop, Coronation Street's girls. Plus: spanking Blood Orange, sodomizing Bottenberg! "edited" by AL SOUTH M (w/prototypical death metal growl) This is the manifesto of the death metal forces from hell. We are calling for the death of journalist Rupert Bottenberg for being an enemy of true metal. He must DIE. He must SUFFER in hell. He must be SODOMIZED. [BLEEP!] M I gotta story for you. There's this club on Bishop called Déjà Vu, you know the one I'm talking about. They have a jam night on Mondays. So me and my friend go there to play but they got this total fucking idiot running the jam. People come in with their guitars and say, "Hey, man, I'd like to jam." He goes, "No problem." Then he makes them sit in the club for three or four hours, doesn't even acknowledge them. When they ask him again, he grabs one guy by the THROAT, slams him up against the wall and says, "You're never playing in my club." This isn't right, man--people need a chance to jam! When you go to a jam night, the point is to have fun and not to be fucking pushed up against the wall by some balding clown! [BLEEP!] F Hi. This is for the Neanderthal uptight West Island bouncer at Clydes. Smoking a SPLIFF at a Marley tribute is not a capital offence. Kicking two women out into the cold is. It's only a job, asshole--it doesn't make you God. [BLEEP!] F Hi, I'm just calling about the value of naked skinny guys lying on a couch, as in the Marilyn Manson video (Ed's note: the caller is referring to an important debate that took place on the Rant Line in late '97). I'm not one to defend Marilyn Manson at all, but I will defend skinny guys, especially if the alternative is guys with MUSCLES. I find that usually muscle-bound guys are just trying to compensate for their lack of brains or a small penis. That's usually what that amounts to. I think skinny guys are much better looking. In fact, I don't know any girls who really have a thing for the Chippendale-type men, except for maybe Crescent girls. And honestly, Crescent girls and Chippendale guys deserve each other. [BLEEP!] F Hi, this is for all of those Marilyn Manson haters. I really don't get what all of you hate so much about him and why you can't stand to see him naked in his new video. I mean, what is it? Does everybody have to be perfect, does everybody have to have a gorgeous body to be naked? I'm tired of seeing all the beautiful people on TV. Why can't we show people for what they are and not for what they look like. [BLEEP!] M Hi, I'm calling to say enough is enough. Enough of this house shit. Get some more jungle drum & bass mania in this fucking town. One night a week is just not good enough. Please, jungle drum & bass DJs come out of the closet and make me move! Peace. [BLEEP!] F Please spank me, spank me, spank me, because I'm a naughty little Blood Orange whore, a naughty, naughty, naughty Catholic high school girl in trouble. Yeaaaaah! Bye. [BLEEP!] F Hey Rant Line. I'm watching all this coverage on the storm of '98. And everyone's complaining that the poor seniors are gonna freeze, that everyone's gonna freeze. They're going, "All we have is a fireplace to keep us warm, oohhhhh, my house is soooooo cold." Well, what the fuck about the homeless people who are out there dying on the streets everyday? They are probably a bunch of ICICLES right now. Maybe people should open their eyes and see that what they got is better than nothing. 'Coz there's a lot of ignorant people and maybe this ice storm is telling us something. [BLEEP!] F Concerning the person who complained about Angel's Britpop night. I'll be honest with you honey: Toma is in a coma concerning Britpop. And while you may not be a connoisseur, I am. If you really want to hear decent British music, the only place to go is Sky on Friday night, with Bobzilla as the DJ. Yeah, he's a bit of a PSYCHO, but he's a really good guy and it's the only place to hear Britpop. The fact is, this city is not good for Britpop, but there is a community in Montreal who listens to it. Unfortunately, we all know each other: it's kind of creepy and sad. Also, on MusiquePlus a little while ago, there was a special done by Elsie Martins, you can e-mail here, she's an absolute specialist. So there are listeners out there--check it out, baby. [BLEEP!] M Yes, I am presently studying for my exams and I just fell upon this really stupid soap opera type show, it's called Coronation Street. I think it's from Britain or England or something. And man, the chicks are so fucking UGLY. I can't believe it! I'm just wondering if something can be done to get rid of it. I dunno, the American shows are stupid, but at least you get good chicks, y'know. [BLEEP!]
Next week: Open forum.
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