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Montrealer closest to hell 1. Pierre Bourque
2. Brian Mulroney
3. Pierre Péladeau 4. Mario Tremblay 5. Howard Galganov 6. Lucien Bouchard 7. Jacques Parizeau
8. Jojo Savard
Honourable mentions: Céline Dion, Louise Beaudoin, all of my exes. Most desirable woman 1. Mitsou 2. Jojo
4. Caroline from La Coupe Honourable mentions: Pascale Bussières, Macha Grenon, Sasha, Marg Delahunty, every fifth woman on the street. For a city that's reputedly coming apart at the seams with babe-ilicious delights, Montreal residents have a remarkable lack of imagination these days. Poor Mitsou is destined to become Quebec's own Brigitte Bardot. It will never matter what she does to improve her image, or what political cause she decides to support, she'll always be our very own homegrown pouty sex kitten. As for Jojo, well, women take notice: these days, men appear to be turned on by acute tackiness, bordering on absolute tastelessness. God forbid it should ever catch on. Most desirable man
2. David Usher (lead singer for Moist) 3. Corey Hart 4. Felipe Alou Other noteworthy responses included Pierre Trudeau, Jacques Villeneuve, Charlie Biddle Jr., Don McGowan, Mike Webber, Dermod Travis, the man upstairs at Scandale, the guy with the harmonica at Place-des-Arts metro, any Montreal firefighter, Jojo and Yvan Hunault Best-looking politician
2. Jean Charest 3. Mario Dumont Others respondents, however, were quite clear about what they thought of the aesthetics of Canadian politicians: oxymoron, no such thing, none, they all have bad hair and they're all hideous. Honourable mentions go to Daniel Johnson, Clint Eastwood (!), Kim Campbell, Sheila Copps, André Boisclair, Nick Auf der Maur and Svend Robinson. Most tolerable politician 1. Jean Charest 2. Lucien Bouchard 3. Jean Chrétien
It seems that end-of-the-millenium political cynicism has finally gone off the deep end. At the time "most tolerable politician" was conceived, we thought it would be an innovative way of registering our displeasure with politics while simultaneously singling out that person who best managed to capture our imagination. It was a way of telling politicians what they should be doing. Unfortunately, it seems we may have underestimated just how depraved our poltical landscape has become. In fact, "most tolerable politician" serves as an accurate description of what most politicians actually aspire to. Hence this year's landslide winner is Mr. Bland himself, Jean Charest, whose personality has all the colour and taste of a big bowl of blancmange. Best replacement mayor 1. Jean Béliveau; 2. Felipe Alou 3. Nick Auf der Maur Honourable mentions: Tommy Schnurmacher, Youppi!, Josh Bezonsky, the orange monkey at the Biôdome, Harmonica Lady. Two years ago, Jean Béliveau refused Prime Minister Jean Chrétien's offer to become Governor General of Canada, even though Chrétien practically begged him to take the job. So it's hard to imagine that he would accept the position of mayor--especially when he finds himself on a list of replacement mayors that includes "any drunk" and "my dog." Then again, being Montreal's mayor is far more interesting than being Canada's Governor General. You don't have to travel as much, your position isn't merely ceremonial (fewer mind-numbingly tedious cocktail parties with rigid, boring foreign dignitaries) and, if you're clever about it, you can hijack the politics of the entire province of Quebec. And since Quebec runs Canada, you can hijack the entire country. Say a prayer: perhaps, just perhaps, this is the political job Béliveau really wants. Best-dressed Montrealer 1. Leonard Cohen 2. Mado Lamotte 3. Sonia Benezra 4. Pat Hamou Leonard Cohen? Oh well, this year Cohen's black turtlenecks sit near the over-the-top spangles of second-place dragster Mado Lamotte and third-place drag icon Sonia Benezra. Derivative Records' Pat Hamou proves the power of a decent pair of drainpipe trousers. Best radio show 1. Terry and Ted on Mix 96 2. Tie: Brave New Waves on CBC FM; Tommy Schnurmacher on CJAD 3. Aaron & Tasso on Q92 4. Pete, Sue and Andrew on CHOM 5. Claude Rajotte's Rage on CHOM Honourable mentions: Dykes on Mykes, Ack, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Tiga and Gnat, anything on the BUZZ, Avril Benoit, Dans Le Garage, Love Line, Les Gluons, Drastic Plastic, Subterranean Jungle, Dick Irvin's Bandstand Best actor 1. Roy Dupuis 2. Sylvie Drapeau 3. Remy Girard (noted for his appearance on the Dunkin' Donuts ads) Roy Dupuis tops our list again, and how he managed to survive that dud of a movie Screamers is beyond us, but apparently good looks can transcend really bad acting when it comes to star appeal. Honourable mentions go to Céline Dion, Justin Louis, Lothaire Bluteau, Tasso, William Shatner and, of course, Pierre Bourque.
1. Aislin (Terry Mosher)
The devilish Aislin, aka Terry Mosher, has become a Montreal institution. But this year we also witnessed a few rising stars on the Montreal cartoonists' scene: Angloman's Mark Shainblum and Gabriel Morrissette, and Mirror music writer and graphic artist Rupert Bottenberg, also known as "that Rupert guy who does all the posters." While most cartoonists thrive on anonymity, our winners have graciously provided self-portraits so you can recognize them on the street. No rock-throwing, please. Best sports personality
2. Jacques Villeneuve 3. Saku Koivu 4. Dick Irvin 5. Don Cherry Honorable mentions: Mario Tremblay, Patrick Roy, Mark Recchi, Ron Reusch, Randy Tieman, Jack Todd, Bruny Surin, Pat Burns, Mitch Melnick, Terry Haig, Refrigerator Perry, Jean Leloup, Moist Best pop/rock band 1. Moist 2. Parkside Jones 3. Slowly Going Deaf 4. Ripcordz 5. Tie: Kingpins; The Snitches Video darlings Moist take #1, notwithstanding that as Torontonians, they are far from being real Montrealers, even if they live here. McGill votes for Slowly Going Deaf, and Montreal's "ska revolution" mustered a #5 position for the beloved Kingpins. Runners up: Bran Van 3000, Grim Skunk, P.E.Z., the Doughboys (who are broken up) and, umm, the Backstreet Boys, whom everyone should know are only honourary Montrealers. Best hip hop band 1. Shades of Culture 2. Bullfrog 3. Dubmatique Shades win out by a four-to-one margin. Dumbest responses: Nick Nolte, Metallica, Céline Dion, and, er, Buenna Notte. Best latin act 1. Papo Ross & Orquesta Pambiche 2. Joé Armando 3. Peruvian street musicians, the guys who play on Ste-Catherine Street, the sombrero guy at Place-des-Arts metro Best DJ 1. Kid Koala (by a three-to-one margin) 2. Mario Tremblay 3. Nikola Torriero 4. DJ Gnat 5. Double "A" & Twist Scratch-kid Koala displaces last year's landslide champ Tremblay, as breakbeat DJs get more overall votes than house or hi-NRG jocks. And to the many readers who voted "DJ Keoki," he's American and hasn't played Montreal in years. Most prominent scenester 1. Jake Brown from Yawp! 2. Plastic Patrick 3. Gaby from Shed Café Montreal's spoken-word king Jake Brown won by an almost two-to-one margin. Honourable mentions go to Crazy Eddy, Sonny Greenwich Jr., Johnson Cummins and "that idiot from Ocean Drive magazine." An A for effort to whoever submitted that they "will be seriously depressed when they get too old to be in the scene and will live forever in their own memories as having once been hip." |
3. Céline Dion
1. Roy Dupuis
1. Pierre Trudeau
Honourable mentions: All the dead ones, an oxymoron, that's a joke, what is the question again?
Best cartoonist
2. Angloman (Mark Shainblum & Gabriel Morrissette)
3. Rupert Bottenberg
1. Felipe Alou