Birthday madness by MIREILLE SILCOTT Clubs will find with any reason to have a "special promotion." There is the simple-pleasures side of this phenomena, as in "come celebrate the first anniversary of the new soap dispensers in our toilets"; and then there's the grandiose-to-the-point-of-silliness camp, as in "come celebrate the anniversary of house music." Which is ridiculous. But almost as crazy is Storm, celebrating the "3rd anniversary of Montreal legal afterhours nightclubs" on November 29. Montreal afterhours? Come on! I doubt Storm owners will be clinking glasses on the 29th, saying "Cheers to those nice boys at Sona and Red Lite who are doing so well with their legal afterhours clubs! Hooray for all afterhours!" Rather, they'll be clinking because Storm receives its liquor licence that night and will be adding a fully fledged opens-at-10 p.m. joint to their space. Which is an ironic way to celebrate the no-booze business of legal afterhours, methinks. Anyhow, there's a much more legitimate anniversary happening this very weekend, and that's the 10th anniversary of In Beat records. In Beat is the store where many Montrealers first learned about house. And owner Chris Pronovost is the man who's done the teaching. If you've been to the store, you are probably familiar with his methods, but if you haven't, here's a general rundown of the In Beat experience: 1) Wait for one hour as Chris talks to someone in New York about bootlegs he's ordering for his own collection (education via eavesdropping). 2) Wait another hour as Chris plays you every record in the shop except the one you asked to hear (education via strange selling techniques). 3) Wait another good bit as Chris goes downstairs to get orange juice from the dép, as you stand at the cash waiting to pay (pure opportunism, that). 4) Go home wondering just how you ended up buying that deep Brazilian thing when you came looking for some speed garage (education through imposing own tastes on customers). This is all something to pay homage to, of course, and in big style! The In Beat birthday goes down at Sona with "host" Chris Pronovost (why not spinning?), Latin-monger Roger S and N.Y.C.'s Lord G. But lately added to the bill (by Sona, I presume) are live collective Gus Gus and the Crystal Method. Which is, er, bizarre, because if you went into In Beat and asked for a Crystal Method record, the aforementioned steps 1,2 and 3 would be spliced by a very lengthy sermon (or you'd just be sent to DNA). 9 p.m. doors, 10 p.m. showtime. $20 adv/$25 door. >>> Newspotting: Grace Jones missed three planes trying to leave Montreal * Last Saturday's Circle 3 party finally happened at Red Lite, but Kevin Saunderson, Glenn Underground and all other out-of-towners were removed from the bill when promoters found they pre-sold less tickets than expected. No refunds are being offered. How nice * Derrick May will be taking a monthly residency in Montreal in the early new year.