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This week: Waiting for Goth Girl. Plus: Rant Line "editor" compared to limbless turtle who deserves to be run over by a CAR and a BUS! "edited" by AL SOUTH M Yeah, I have a rant and I don't even care if you print it. All I care is that Al South hears it. You're a fucking asshole, you know that, Al? You are the most pathetic loser--what have you accomplished in life? Editing some piece of shit in the Mirror? Which you can't even do properly! I think a fucking TURTLE with all its legs ripped off could edit better than you. You're so dumb. And now you want Goth Girl to come back--you know that little whore will come running back with more stupidity, and, of course you'll print it all because your mind is just as small as hers. You probably ARE Goth Girl--you probably put on a dress and come up with a bunch of crap and print it. Any asshole could edit the Rant Line better than you do! If you ever got run over by a car and died, I'd laugh my head off. [BLEEP!] M Al South, I think someone should summon a bus to run you over instead of you summoning that little bitch Goth Girl. You're just really stupid, you know that, Al. [BLEEP!] F Al South, you are a fucking idiot. How dare you summon Goth Girl? Nobody wants that fucking little whore to come back. We all know she's only doing it for attention. But go ahead, add more wood to the fire. You moron. [BLEEP!] M Hello this is Space One calling about Goth Girl. Goth Girl, I know you--you're not even goth! You're a cheap imitation! They should call you Barbie Goth Girl--I have friends who are goth, they would be insulted to be associated with you. You're pathetic, just pathetic. [BLEEP!] M I think that Goth Girl is nothing but an immature, ignorant little BRAT who knows absolutely nothing about the meaning of goth. If anything from the realm of Goth ever appeared in front of her, her little head would explode right off of her puny little body. [BLEEP!] FAXRANT This is the Baron calling all goths. If you believe that goth should go beyond NIN and Marilyn Manson, and you are sick of the techno they serve as industrial, then maybe you should turn in at the Haze. Mr. Black and the Cutthroat crew stand as a bastion of outlaw goth in all that Egyptian nonsense! We will ride the dragon and dance on their bones! The goths will prevail! All imitators shall be wiped out of the scene. As a sidenote, when you complain that there ain't enough people in a place, maybe if you were to stick around instead of leaving after five minutes, others would do so too?! Baron bids you good night. Ghouls rule! [BLEEP!] M Hi, there. I just want to say that I've done my time at the Foufs, Metropolis, Spectrum and the Big O, but if you really want to hear the best band in Montreal, you'll get your ass down to Place des Arts and check out the Montreal Symphony Orchestra. Absolutely incredible music and there are no RUDE DOORMEN. Pretty incredible mixed crowd, too. So save up your money and check it out--for once you won't be disappointed! [BLEEP!] F Hi, I admit it, Platinum sucked. Indeed, the entire local music scene sucks, along with most of the local film industry. But what concerns me is the dwindling presence of uniquely BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE in our bar scene. Better think twice before you slag off Mr. Doughboy et al. I mean, picture this: it's Friday night at the Bifteck and fairly crowded. I scope the room for eye candy, for a little erotic visual rush. Only one man and woman prevent my eyelids from clouding over with cobwebs. They are gorgeous John Kastner of Platinum infamy and Linda, a standout auburn-haired WET DREAM. Otherwise, it's mundane fare for the eyeballs. They leave and the place becomes dull and empty-looking. I seek out other bars, other babes, but defeated I declare a beauty famine. So please bring back the beautiful people, whatever they may do. Stop slagging them off and driving them away! I know I'm going blind and so will you. Meanwhile, John and Linda, SHINE ON. [BLEEP!] F [the voice of Bill Withers is heard in the background] I'd like to say that I just saw the movie Boogie Nights and I want to know where I can get a man with what Mark Wahlberg has, 'coz 13 inches could DO ME so much! [BLEEP!] F Fucking muff-diving lesbian crack whores! They're all over the city!! But they're in very big concentration at YAWP!... so you should all come to YAWP! to see them. Hee hee hee. [BLEEP!] F Hello, I was just wondering, where are all the Britpop fans in Montreal? Where I live out here on the West Island, I haven't met one person who is into Britpop as much as I am. Where have all the Suede fans gone? You were there at the concert--where did you go?! I hate not being able to CONVERSATE about bands from the U.K. Isn't there anyone out there who cares? I want feedback! [BLEEP!] F Yeah, hi, I have friend named Jeff and he said that if he were ever to fuck another guy, it would be the lead singer from Hanson. Just though you might like to know. [BLEEP!] Next week: Open forum.
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