Fuck art let's eat! by MIREILLE SILCOTT You've got to be somewhat wary of people who insist on funnelling their lousy notions of art into clubland. I don't mean video art or things that actually FIT into the environment, but those conceptualists who think one painted body will add "something different" to a house chug probably filled with much better looking exhibitionists to begin with. This week, I must insist that I know what I'm talking about: I once waxed a man's armpits on a club stage in the name of Art. The wax wouldn't come off and the whole thing didn't do much for the DJ's flow. The establishment closed soon after, but the club-art train chugged on, I'm afraid. Which brings me to these people--the Organic Fresh Heroes--and their last "happening," this past Tuesday. Ready for this? "11 automatic live paintings to the 11 new songs from Portishead." Excuse my French, but what a bunch of DOLTS. Was this supposed to be trendy? Oh-so pop-cultural? Some bad promotion on the part of Warner Music? This can't be a trial at cutting-edge art because, frankly, I've seen these Heroes' work--and painting a Coca-Cola logo onto a canvas has been, er, done already. So now, onto a different kind of art: culinary art, yet another thing that people should be careful about in clubs. I'm talking, of course, about Temple, the new afterhours opening up on October 17 with a 'gourmet' buffet parked near the dance floor. Strange notion, that. But practical, I suppose. Anyhooo, Temple is the new ground for Shock productions, who are doing the grand opening with the Mongoloids' Junior Sanchez, plus Peter Crno and a local DJ named Joel (more about him at the tail of this column). Here's all you need to know: a) The club's right downtown, which is, like, flashback city for some of us. b) The space used to be Peter Gatien's club l'Esprit. c) When 3 a.m. hits, you don't have to be herded into another room by bouncers. Instead, alcohol is locked up and you can keep on dancing. Or eating. 1234 de la Montagne. Festivities start around midnight. >>> Just in! Howie B. is booked to play Groove Society on November 2, after he opens for U2's Popmart tour. Supposedly a section of the club is to be roped off in case Mr. Vox and his band of merry old guys want to step in and see what an actual discotheque looks like. They say they like that drums 'n' jungle music, you know. >>> The Joel Contest! Joel is a nice name. In fact, it's my dad's name. But it's no good monicker for a budding DJ as talented as this here Joel. So, 3am is giving out two VIP tickets for Temple's grand opening to the person who can rechristen this kid with something more flyer-friendly. Fax your submissions to 393-3173 under the heading "3am's Joel Contest" before Monday, October 13.