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"EDITED" BY AL SOUTH This week: Tampon trouble at La Ronde, masturbators on Ste-Catherine Street. Now there's a headline! Plus: Jeff Martin's a lumberjack and he's okay!!- m You guys keep giving Jeff Martin of the Tea Party a whole bunch of shit. All I can tell you is that I sold the guy some FIREWOOD about two years ago. He came out in the cold and the wet and he helped us bring the fucking stuff into his place. As far as I'm concerned he's a NICE FELLOW--so mellow out! [BLEEP!] m Please, please print this. It's about Mireille Silcott and her article "AIDS and Disco." AIDS and disco have very little to do with each other--there are many people in this world who are HIV positive who CAN'T STAND disco. Besides, negative behaviour as far as sexuality goes takes place in many places, not just backrooms and discotheques. Get a life, girl! Have you never been to a straight club? People fuck in the bathrooms there too, it's not just a gay thing. And what the hell do you know about the roots of disco? I was there in the '70s, where the hell were you--in your mother's stomach?! [BLEEP!] f Why is it that us people in Quebec can't call in to MuchMusic?! I mean, I don't have anything against MusiquePlus, but let's face it, MuchMusic is better. But you can't call in! You can't enter a contest, you can't vote for anything. You can't tell Rick that you'd like to fuck him, you can't tell Bill Welychka that he looks like an idiot now. This really sucks: Toronto is Canadian and, as far as I know, we're still Canadian too. Something should be done! [BLEEP!] m Greetings, earthlings. This is UDO and I'm responding to the dimwit who bashed me last week in the Rant Line. I would like to tell everyone that the caller is also from my planet and that his masters would like to have their pet back. So instead of wasting his and everyone else's time BASHING local bands, maybe he could get off his ass and get back to our planet, where he is to be REABSORBED. This is UDO, beaming out. [BLEEP!] m This is for that bitch who was complaining about people who wear Wu-Tang shirts that say "Ain't nothin' to fuck with." Well, I wear one of those shirts and I have NINE inches to fuck with. So go to hell. Wu-Tang RULES. [BLEEP!] m Hi Rant Line. I've been wanting to call to tell people about something for a while. On the new Wu-Tang album, listen to track #8 and you'll find some creepy stuff that PREDICTS THE TYSON EVENT. Also, to the lady who was talking about the Wu-Tang shirts--if you judge people by what they wear, then you've got some pretty heavy problems. WU TANG. Later. [BLEEP!] f This is a rant to protest La Ronde, to talk about a really horrible situation--I think even guys should be concerned about this. I was there, I paid $30, I went to 10 bathrooms and I couldn't find any TAMPONS. It's just very, very unfair and it is reeking of male chauvinism. [BLEEP!] m In the rant about pit bulls last week someone referred to the working class suburbs of Terrebone and Mascouche--they're MIDDLE CLASS. Obviously the person has never been out there or she would know better. I lived there, there are lots of two-car family homes and little children running around, that's why they got rid of the pit bulls. Real working class suburbs couldn't care less about a pit bull. [BLEEP!] FAXRANT I was very proud to be a Montrealer last Friday night when, after two hours of rocking the Metropolis [which, by the way, included--count 'em--four encores!], Thom Yorke, lead singer for Radiohead, said that this experience would be something he'd "never forget." And yes, Chris Yurkiw, they did play "Creep" and no, they didn't save it for the encore, but played it confidently and with much enthusiasm while the concert was in full swing. And did it ever swing! It was a fuckin' wicked concert and from the audience's very evidently solid appreciation of the band, I don't think there's a chance in hell that Radiohead might degenerate into a "mere [pop band] overseas" any time soon. Note to Al South: for your personal information, I am a f, in case you wanted to print that. [BLEEP!] f Hi, me and my three friends, we're all girls, we're in a car right now on Ste-Catherine and we're DISGUSTED. There's this little booth nearby and in it this guy was MASTURBATING and we were freaking out because we kind of saw him. And then there was this OTHER guy and we didn't see what he was doing, but he was up close to the car and looking in. And when he walked away he ZIPPED up his PANTS. He was masturbating too! While looking into our car! Gross!! Disgusting!! I swear, Montreal has all these masturbators running around town. We don't want to move from our space though, because we're following the Radiohead tour bus. But it's spooking us out, man. Walking near my car... masturbating... oh wait, the tour bus is moving! Gotta go!! [BLEEP!] Next week: Open forum.