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"EDITED" BY AL SOUTH This week: Drag queen scandal, poster wars, skater apologia. Plus: Jean Charest's hair! m Yeah. I'm an arts student who went to the Bal en Blanc. It's too bad that an otherwise amazing party had to be ruined with that FARCE that they so meaninglessly advertised as a 'Costume Contest.' One of the most original works of costume design and performance art--which a friend of mine did--lost out to this racist, unoriginal 10-headed Aunt Jemima marionette character disguised as a black drag queen. Second place was won by someone who looked like she had rented her costume from the soap opera Dallas. When I watched the individual entries I said 'Wow!' but when I saw who won I said 'Whoa!' It's obvious the judges were either too stoned or too ignorant to appreciate the difference between creative genius and racist mockeries. Drag queens won out and the real artists lost. [BLEEP!] m Hi, this is José from Rancho Relaxo Productions. I was organizing a show a couple of weeks ago and I thought I'd let my fellow citizens know all about it by postering the streets of this town. But unfortunately some band I never heard of called EMMA amused themselves by postering over our posters. This in a direct and on-purpose way! Bands like this are killing the local music scene, and I invite everyone to boycott Emma's shows. Next time you little weak bastards cover us up, my response won't be so polite. [BLEEP!] m Yo, what's up, this is Leroy from NDG, you know what I'm saying? Yo, yo, this is how it goes. I don't think people is really representing the hip hop community and shit. There's a couple people out there--there's Ray Ray who represents on the beat box and Misery's pretty dope on the mic, but besides that, yo, there ain't no skill in this shit, man. I mean Shades of Culture, man, those kids, I dunno. The brother's pretty dope but the other guy's kinda weak, he's a TOY. Shit, man, let's just hook some shit in this city. Represent Ray Ray, he be throwing shit daily, know what I'm saying? Peace. [BLEEP!] f Hi. I'm calling 'coz I met this really hot guy at the last Planet Smashers show. Attention guy: I bumped into you at the bar, you had a GREAT ASS and pretty blue eyes. I was wearing a black dress, I looked for you after the show but to no avail. I'll be searching for you--it's spring and I'm IN HEAT. [BLEEP!] c This goes out to all the the losers out there, including Al South. THE CREEP is back, I'm off the crack and if anybody mentions bad things about Joe [of Slyce] they'll get whacked. And by the way, I got TWO cellular phones, not one. So print that, motherfucker. [BLEEP!] m To the guy who left a rant where he called somebody a stupid faggot. When I was in school I had a real hard time, I could never figure stuff out. Maybe I had a learning problem, I don't know, but everybody always called me stupid. And then because I was always looking at boys and not at girls they called me faggot. And then they called me stupid faggot. So when you're trying to insult someone by calling them a stupid faggot, just remember it can insult other people too. Even though I'm proud of being a stupid faggot. [BLEEP!] m Greetings. In the '80s the Coleco company produced a portable version of the classic arcade game Galaga, aka Galaxian. Where can one be found today in good condition? Please end my quest. Many thanks. [BLEEP!] m Okay, this has nothing to do with the music scene but... I don't know if I'm being paranoid, but what is up with Jean Charest's HAIR? Is there some kind of extraterrestrial probing of our electoral system going on? [BLEEP!] m I just wanted to let everyone know that the Heaven's Gate cult arrived safely on our space ship. Thanks. [BLEEP!] m Hi, I'm pretty fucking DRUNK right now so excuse my SLUR. All right now, here's the deal. I was just at Atwater, at the night bus place, and this guy asked to borrow my board and like, I didn't really trust him. It was just one of those things. So I was like, you can't borrow my board and he wasn't very happy and I'm really sorry. I should have trusted him because he skated but, shit, I was pretty drunk and right now I've got to piss so I've got to go... oh wait, remember how you used to print when people would like, have orgasms on the line and shit? So maybe you'll print this when I take a piss in the phone booth? Whaddya think? Hold on, I'll try it... hang on... ah shit, my board's in the way. All right, I'm undoing my pants... I'm pissing in a phone booth! All right! Ya hear that sound, that's the sound of piss! All right... I'm melting ice... cool... so I'm sorry I didn't lend you my board. Have a good day. [BLEEP!] Next week: More news as it happens...