Bugged

by ERIK LEIJON

Apologies in advance for the somewhat stale review, but sometimes a game doesn’t lend itself to anything more than brief, matter-of-fact statements. Lost Planet 2 (PS3, X360/Capcom), the sequel to a game you played but probably don’t remember, isn’t as terrible as it is unbearably plain, with plenty of mistakes that aren’t even interesting enough to mock.

An online game largely in appearance (the lobby screens for the co-op campaign mode made it hard to distinguish genuine human players from AI infiltrators with gamertags), Lost Planet 2 is a third-person shooter with large guns and mechs, and even bigger bugs to blast. The guns are cool, specifically the VS ones that make metallic thuds when fired and have a solid weight to them. Powerful mech suits and assorted vehicles are omnipresent, and mech-on-mech fights feel different from battles on foot. The bug enemies often stretch across the entire screen and have glowing weak spots that spew puss when shot at. I know what you’re thinking right now: guns, mechs, bugs and puss, how could this fail?

Oh but it does, repeatedly and bluntly. It’s a soup with good ingredients, but every time the game appears ready to turn a corner, a new insect is found swimming around your spoon.

For one thing, the menu screens are designed to look like your typical online action shooter, but are mostly impractical and do a disservice to the customization modes, which involve post-fight celebratory stances and battlefield nicknames one might actually get a kick out of had they been integrated properly.

Lost Planet 2 lacks artistic flair, from the menu screens to the bland graphics to the clunky character movements, and thus when the frustration of the difficult later battles and lack of save spots kicks in, carrying on will seem pointless. The screen-sized “Category G” bugs (called Akrid) look terrific, but most of their attacks are impossible to follow, resulting in unavoidable cheap hits and too much time trying to get oriented.

The game takes place on the same planet as the first, except in the not-too-distant future where global warming and colonization threaten the gentle ecosystem. The planet, and most everything else, hasn’t been given a real name except for a hard-to-remember acronym, so you’ll be able to follow along provided you have no trouble recalling your licence plate and social insurance numbers.

Despite the constant presence of online co-op gameplay, the campaign does have skippable cutscenes that comb over the details surrounding planet E.D.N. III. The missions consist of short A to B nature walks, split into chapters starring a new faction each time. The characters’ suits use a new fuel called T-ENG and a harmonizer to regain power, but these are merely fancy ways of saying lifebar and regenerating shield and never seem to factor into the missions as much as you’re led to believe. Like a bug hovering carefree on the highway right before hitting a windshield, Lost Planet 2 seems full of hope, a feeling that’s ultimately fleeting.

Tiger’s troubles

Times are tough right now for the world’s biggest golfer and most wealthy athlete, and Tiger Woods’ latest video game, Tiger Woods PGA Tour 11 (Multi/EA Sports, Tiburon) fares about as well as his current putting game.

It’s a yearly iteration-type game, but the new Ryder Cup mode appeared promising. The tournament pits the best American golfers against Europe’s finest, but the massive pressure of the real tourney doesn’t translate into video game form, and feels no different from the other modes. Good to play while drunk or while texting one of your many paramours on the down low.