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Dear Sasha, I read the letter from the girl whose boyfriend refused to be taken for a lesbian massage [“Lady loves rub and tug,” June 24]. Too bad for him, I’d love for my wife to ask me the same question. My answer would be yes. Here’s my question: do you think it’s okay for me to arrange a lesbian massage for my wife as a surprise? She’s not a lesbian and very shy and conservative but I’ve read that most women can go either way. Is that true? It’s my fantasy to have my wife 69 with another woman and me watch. If you happen to have the name or place of where the girl from your letter went, let me have it. I know that this is about me watching this beautiful event, but if she enjoys it she’ll thank me later for the different pleasures that only a woman can give.
—KCB
Dear KCB,
I can’t say for certain that this is the worst idea you’ve ever had (the fact that you’ve had it in the first place suggests there is a treasure trove of others) but let’s put it in the top five just to be generous.
KCB, we do NOT spring surprise sex workers on our shy and conservative wives as gifts that are not really gifts for them but for ourselves. It’s fine to perhaps tactfully raise the idea but you ask any sex worker who has been on the receiving end of this how it usually goes and more often than not, it ain’t pretty. For anyone.
As for how you tactfully raise this, fantasy, though also often rebuffed, is probably your best bet. As in, “I have this fantasy…” or even better, “What are your fantasies?”
Dear Sasha, What are the opinions of most of the women you know on bisexual/gay males? Are they turned on by the thought of watching a man fellating another man or does it revolt them? Their opinions on being part of a three-way where the men have contact with one another? You know how most males would love to see two women having sex with each other. I’m wondering if women feel the same about seeing two males together.
—Alex
Dear Alex,
It always makes me a little sad when bisexual men write to me with this question because it often feels like it’s coming from a place of little dude uncertainty, as in, “Are people okay with bisexual men yet? Do they find us viable and sexy? Or are we still perceived as indiscriminate vectors of disease?”
Let’s talk first of all about the opinion of “most people” on any type of behaviour that runs up against the mainstream, Alex. They don’t like it. Well, more appropriately, they don’t like when other people do it and have the balls to be open about it. That seems to really annoy/scare the shit out of a lot of people. Annoyed scared people can be really yappy and aggressive. Try to stay away from them.
Now let’s talk about most of the women I know. Most of the women I know are either queer or queer positive. How do we feel about bisexual men? Bisexual men are part of our community. How would many of us feel about two men fellating each other? Well, in a very ordinary sense, this is what the men in our community do. So it’s not really a hot topic of conversation, generally speaking. As it pertains to our sexual tastes, it is true that a lot of queer women I know get off watching gay porn. So seeing two guys do it in person might be a bit of a dream come true, though depending on their level of comfort being touched by men, the contact part with them might have to be negotiated.
In the end, Alex, you really don’t need to worry about what most women think about your sexual choices because you are not Gene Simmons and therefore won’t be sleeping with—or won’t have slept with, at any rate—most women. However, I can assure you that you’ll find no end to ladies on places like fetlife.com or at fetish parties who would be happy, over the moon in fact, to watch you suck someone off while they’re riding your dick.
Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM
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