THIS WEEK: Ghast, Geneviève Cadieux,
Ayrton Senna, Klaus Kinski!

PLUS: Lawnmowers and leafblowers in LaSalle explained!!

M This is for the person saying that Chix N’ Dix were not deserving of being in any of the BOM lists. I happen to disagree. I think they’re a fantastic band. I think they show a lot of potential. However, they do have one of the WORST BAND NAMES I’ve ever heard. Any time you ask them why that’s the name of their band, they’re always, like, “Oh, get it? Because we’re chicks but there’s also guys in our band and they have dicks.” How old are you? [BLEEP!]

F You know what I hear when I hear that guy complain about Chix N’ Dix and NDG? Jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous. Green is not your colour. Take it off. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, I just read this week’s Rant Line™ and you screwed up my rant. I didn’t say Gas, I said Ghast. G-H-A-S-T. [BLEEP!]

F Hi. I want to bitch about the fact that Montreal is known to be the city that doesn’t SLEEP. So can someone explain to me why everything closes at 3 a.m.? Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M I just want to complain about SMILES here. When I came to Montreal, I was thinking well, it’s winter, they’ve got their lips FROZEN so they can’t smile. But now that it’s summer and there is the sun, everything is shiny, why can’t they smile? It’s something that I don’t know. They just look around with their poker faces and it’s weird. It’s weird for me. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F Hello. I’m only calling because I was hoping that this week’s Rant Line™ would have answered the caller previously asking about the LIPS above the Musée d’Art Contemporain de Montréal. Those lips belong to a famous Montreal actress called Anne-Marie Cadieux. The person who took that photo of her lips is her sister—I don’t know her first name, but she is a famous visual artist from an exposition back in I-don’t-know-when at the museum. So those lips belong to a recognized French-Canadian Montreal artist who’s acted a lot in English as well. And it makes me very SAD to know that nobody knows this and that’s the only reason I called the Rant Line™. But anyway, good luck English Montrealers. Long live whatever you want to do with your lives. Goodbye. [BLEEP!]

M Clarification: Those lips are an actual work of ART. And, in fact, they are the lips of the mother of the artist. The artist’s name is Geneviève Cadieux. Google it. [BLEEP!]

M Long time reader, first time caller. Hey, I was reading that rant about the guy that wanted to EAT some POT and was looking for a service. Look, the easiest way to cook pot is very simple. You put a FRYING PAN on at medium-low heat. You put your pot into the frying pan. You stir it around. You wait for it to start to just smoke ever so slightly then you put some honey on that. You stir the honey in. You turn the heat off, of course, because once it’s toasted, it’s ready to go. And you just eat the HONEY mixed with the pot and you will get REALLY STONED and that’s all you have to do. It has to be cooked pot. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is for the guy looking for pot-based food. You’ve got Formula 1 coming up and behind the AYRTON SENNA section, there’s this little place called the GRASSY KNOLL. Over there the dudes are crazy. They’ve got everything. They’ve got muffins, brownies, popsicles, soups, butter, everything. You’ve got to hook up with these guys, you’ve got to make sure you get to the Formula 1, they’re in the Silver section. You can’t miss them. They’re just freaks. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I’m ranting about the guy asking about why there are lawnmowers and leaf-blowers in LaSalle. Like, seriously? Like, really? Really? You don’t know why there are lawnmowers and leaf-blowers in LaSalle? I mean, dude, you’re in fucking LaSalle! Like, dude, you live in LaSalle!! Like, peace. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, I was going to rant about this a few months ago so I’m surprised it’s actually still relevant. Is someone ever going to fix the ESCALATOR at the Mont-Royal metro? [BLEEP!]

M This one goes out to the six ARABS in the VOLKSWAGEN BEETLE that just came out of the car and tried to beat the shit out of me and my friends. Like, what the fuck, dude? I’ve lived in Montreal a bazillion years and I’ve never encountered such fucking asshole-ness in my life. Six dickbags get out of a Volkswagen Bug fit for, like, three people and try to beat on me and my friends, man. That’s ridiculous. That is not cool. That is not Montreal. [BLEEP!]

M Hey Rant Line™. Question: where is one to go if one is to buy a HANDGUN in the city of Montreal? [BLEEP!]

M Dear Rant Line™, I hate women. Click. By the way, that was me hanging up. Click. [BLEEP!]

M Hi. This is a message for the indescribably beautiful lady wearing the black hat at the Saturday screening of Kinski Jesus Christus Erloser. It’s examples of GRACE and beauty like you that make me love living in this city. Never want to leave. You should know how beautiful you are. [BLEEP!]

F Hi Rant Line™! We’re on a lot of drugs and we’re on our roof and it’s true. Mount Royal just EXPLODED everywhere. There’s LAVA ….BUBBLING. Whoever said it wasn’t a volcano is an idiot. [BLEEP!]

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