THIS WEEK: GZA, Sarah Palin, Murray Ostril!

PLUS: Conflicting views on what constitutes a real man!!

F Hey, this is a rant to the girl who was ranting about Tegan and Sara being PRETENTIOUS. My God, if there’s one thing Tegan and Sara are not, it’s pretentious. If you had been at Place des Arts the other night, you wouldn’t talk about them like that. And I also want to say the next best thing is Clara Furey, another female singer. I’m in love with her. She’s amazing. [BLEEP!]

M Okay, so I went to the GZA concert and let me tell you that guy has been singing that album Liquid Swords for God knows how many years now, probably close to two decades. But he went through everything from Beneath the Surface to Legend of the Liquid Sword to Pro Tools and even did DJ Muggs freestyle and so forth. Anyway, the GZA concert was fucking PHENOMENAL and that pretty well sums it up. He should come to town more often. [BLEEP!]

M Remember Sugar Hill Gang, “Rapper’s Delight,” Public Enemy, “White Lines”? People talk GARBAGE about rap but they don’t remember rap back in the good old days. It was happy, or it was protest music. It wasn’t about misogyny. It wasn’t about killing people. But this is what’s being promoted now. Look at them, look at their music. Who keeps putting that on the radio, promoting it on MTV, promoting the gangsters? They prefer gangsterism over REVOLUTION music. This is the choice they gave black people. You could be gangsters, you could be whores and sluts and scumbags or you could be revolutionaries. Or you could be happy like Will Smith or making jokes like the Sugar Hill Gang. But, no, instead they gave us the violence and the drugs and they’re killing people. Who’s promoting this? The record companies. They’re not owned by black people, the record companies, the big ones. [BLEEP!]

M I want to tell everyone that last Saturday I went to the Igloofest. It was amazing! What an amazing place! There was 2,000 of us. There were so many of us and we were keeping each other warm like PENGUINS all huddled together, dancing, non-stop. It’s just a great place to go. Check it out. It’s worth it. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M Okay, this is an EMERGENCY and I’m calling upon all faithful Rant Line™ readers in Montreal to unite and answer this very, very important question. I was watching the movie New York, I Love You, and the last short movie in that movie, made by Joshua Marston, has an actor named ELI WALLACH, and his voice sounded exactly the same as the voice of the man on the third song, called “Sleep,” on godspeed you! black emperor’s album Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven. The one where the old man talks about Coney Island. And his name, this man, is MURRAY OSTRIL. Who the fuck is Murray Ostril? Pitchfork mentions him but doesn’t say who he is, Google won’t tell me, there’s no one on the Internet who knows who Murray Ostril is. But I know someone out there in Montreal knows. So please, please, someone—who is Murray Ostril? [BLEEP!]

F To the woman complaining that there’s no more REAL MEN left, I have one word for you: Alaska. [BLEEP!]

M It’s amazing, even here in Montreal, we’re getting treated to the SARAH PALIN LOOK in our advertising. The Sarah Palin hairdo on the models, Sarah Palin’s visage, the Sarah Palin glasses. Girls that look similar to Sarah Palin. It’s the Sarah Palin image being fucking presented, being foisted upon us. Being democratically foisted upon us so she’ll be democratically elected. [BLEEP!]

M NVP here. To all you tough ranters out there and the person who said I don’t exist. Yes, I exist. I am not an agent provocateur. I’m just a super skinny-looking little guy, a little twerp with glasses. But the GIRLS like me because I’ve got a brain, I can think, I can articulate. I can formulate my sentences. Girls like that. Do you think they really like guys like you? BEER SWILLING LOUTS? You think that’s what girls like? Real ladies don’t. Some ladies might, but those are the kind of girls I wouldn’t hang out with on a bet. I don’t live below the belt, I live above the belt. And I like Rush. Hey, what can be more nerdy than that? But Rush is a group of nerds. Revenge of the nerds! [BLEEP!]

F Hi Rant Line™. This is referring to the DRUNKEN HICCUPS article. Hiccups suck. And La Roux also sucks. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M Hello. I want to leave my rant today. I’m reading the newspaper, page 22, and I’m reading a lot of VULGAR words. It pisses me off. I really am. I come from EUROPE and we’re not used to speaking like this on the newspaper. Is it the IMAGE you want to show to the world how do you speak North American? Please control yourself. [BLEEP!]

M This is a message to that girl who complained that her boyfriend and men are just not real men anymore. Well, hello there, Mrs. Tea Pot. Why don’t you shut up and quit your complaining? If you don’t like your boyfriend, why don’t you leave? As for your tits, well, I’d like to stick my MEMBER in between them and, better yet, I’d like to stick my member in your mouth because probably, when it comes out, it’s going to be the smartest thing that ever came out of your mouth. Peace out, whore. M.A.P. [BLEEP!]

F Hi. I’m calling about the lady who said that because she didn’t like her experience with anal, it’s automatically disgusting and everyone who likes it are PERVERTS. I just want to let you know that because you don’t like something, it doesn’t mean that everyone has to hate that thing. By the way, I like anal. It feels very good. [BLEEP!]

Got an opinion on the local music scene?
We want to hear from you!
Call (514) 271-RANT (7268).