by SHANE SINNOTT

Remember how you and almost everyone you know think Tila Tequila is really cool? Really cool—and talented? So much so that people regularly suggest that she should do something ambitious with all that talent, like start a business? Maybe a record label? Well, your prayers have been answered. Tequila announced last week that she will be starting her own record label, to the joy of smartass bloggers worldwide.

Tequila (nee Nguyen), in case you don’t know because you’re a dork, has that special kind of fame found often in the 21st century. That is, the kind without merit. She is known mainly for being the most popular artist on MySpace around 2006, and less so for being a “singer-songwriter.” You can check out the insane announcement on her website at bit.ly/7MKGI4. She breaks down her announcement of the label into 10 points that take the form of a semi-coherent anti-major-label rant. “If you’re a new artist signed at a Major Record Label, trust that your album will never come out, you will continue to starve, and they will have you trapped in that contract when you signed away your soul to the Devil known as the Major Record Labels,” goes point #1 of the argument. But Tila, you’re now thinking, what other option is there? Well, here comes point #2: “However if you sign with TILA TEQUILA RECORDS, I will INSTANTLY, literally give you overnight fame!” To boot, “I decided to make my record label VERY ARTIST FRIENDLY, because I too am an artist and have been screwed over before by the big companies and it sucks.” It’s almost too easy. If you already have a “hit” recorded, she will arrange to get it mixed and mastered, “get your press tour set up,” and then, wham, you’re in business. If all that’s not enough, you have the option of being managed by Ms. Tequila herself. Please, please, everyone with a band reading this submit your material to tilatequilarecords@gmail.com.

The new Spoon album Transference leaked, and will be out by the time you read this. Stream it at bit.ly/90Dk85.