THIS WEEK: Lady Gaga, Adam Lambert,
Dog Day, Fucked Up!

PLUS: The Great Antonio!!

M Yeah, my rant is about people listening to CLASSICAL music who are not classic at all. I just want to say that if you listen to WAGNER, why don’t you just come out and admit you are a racist? [BLEEP!]

M Hey, this is for the organizers of M pour Montreal. I thought it was super uncool how you let Fucked Up hang out to dry at the end of the show. Nevertheless, they killed it and proved everybody wrong. They were MYSTIC. Thanks. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, it’s pretty common that people call in and hate on the HIPSTERS OF MONTREAL. But you know, the hipsters of Montreal, they’re famous all around the world. There’s articles in PITCHFORK all about them—they’re a cultural symbol of Montreal. But what I have a problem with in the whole institution of hipsters is the issue of sexual politics. These individuals—hipsters—construct their identity for the sole purpose of getting laid. They are slightly chubby men who wear really tight jeans and eccentric hats simply to look somewhat appealing to those girls who want something somewhat absurd. And that is why we have hipsters—for mediocre men to get laid. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F Is it just me or do Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson have an incredible FACIAL resemblance? [BLEEP!]

F This goes out to all the whiny douchebags who complain about Adam Lambert’s performance at the American Music Awards. So what if he shoved that dude’s head in his CROTCH? It amazes me that people still get quote offended by performances of that sort and not by the half-naked sluts in rap videos. I mean, the title of the song is “For Your Entertainment,” not “I had a pleasant day taking a stroll at the park.” Besides, your eight-year old fatty pipsqueak of a kid should have been sleeping by now. P.S. Lady Gaga is 100 times better than CRIPPLED MADONNA. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, hey, how’s it going? I was kind of pleased with the Mirror this week but I was a little annoyed too. You reviewed an awesome band from Halifax called Dog Day and they got a really good review, so that’s all good. But it was a two-line mini review, while Rihanna got a full review to tell everyone how bad her new album sucks. And then Swollen Members got a full story on their new album and everyone figured out six years ago that Swollen Members are a fucking Limp Bizkit rip-off! So everyone check out the new Dog Day album and their two old albums—they’re fucking awesome—and fuck Swollen Members. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M Yo. My rant is about Tantra, I think it’s a great club. It plays some great hip hop. It’s pretty cool. It’s almost too commercial, it almost isn’t because it still plays the old school stuff. But you know what? J’apprecie vraiment beaucoup si vous jouez des chansons français, vraiment du some good shit, NTM, IAM and the other good stuff. You’ve got to represent so play that shit someday, you know what? All right, peace. [BLEEP!]

F Yeah, this is to the person who was BAD COMMENTING about people who listen to the old music on CHOM, saying they don’t evolve. Well, maybe they’re just listening to it for their good memories that they can hang onto in this crazy negative world of today. [BLEEP!]

M Still with the white people with dreads? Okay, look. There’s a very big difference and it’s very simple—if you’re getting in touch with your Rastafarian roots, great, good job. I doubt it if you’re white and you came from APPALACHIAN roots, though. And another thing—if you’re eating pizza with pepperoni on it, I doubt you’re a real dread. [BLEEP!]

F I would like to know how people with dreadlocks wash their hair and keep their hair CLEAN. Whenever I see someone with dreadlocks, I’m afraid to get close to them because I feel that they haven’t been grooming themselves or washing their hair. So maybe someone can enlighten me as to how they keep their head clean and keep from getting lice. If they can’t comb their hair out or wash it—can someone help me out with this? Is there a dreadlock hairdressing salon, someplace where they groom people with dreadlocks? Can you give me a phone number so I can call them and ask them, you know, what’s involved here? Thanks. [BLEEP!]

M I think dreadlocks is dreadlocks, period. So whether you’re black, white or Asian, it doesn’t matter. Actually, I love to see the LADIES with blonde dreadlocks. I think they look amazing. Whoever ranted about white people with them, I think, is being ridiculous. That’s all I have to say. [BLEEP!]

M There’s a big difference between fucking salon dreads and real dreads, you know? Salon dreads, you look like a douche. That’s a big no-no, so don’t. The real kick-ass dreads form over the years, or decades, like the GREAT ANTONIO, who pulled buses up the hill with his dreads. That’s where it’s at. [BLEEP!]

M What the fuck is up with SHINY jackets? Why is everyone wearing shiny jackets? Like, honestly, what the fuck? Fuck shiny jackets. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, I’m calling right now and my rant’s about those goddamn fixed GEAR bikes. I’m on one of those motherfucking pieces of shit riding down Parc avenue and my legs are spinning 100 miles an hour and I don’t understand it for shit. It’s uncomfortable, unpractical and stupid! [BLEEP!]

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