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Hello readers!
I am taking a couple of weeks off from my column, which means you will be reading Best of Sasha, carefully selected by our dear editors. This one is from the issue of November 4, 1999. Enjoy.
Dear Sasha, I’m a 30-year-old gentleman. I treat women with respect and love. After all these years, I just got tired of those boring preliminaries—you know, the usual “Victorian” way of having tea and then moving on to the next step. So now, instead of waiting three to five weeks going around the big question while both of us are thinking of nothing but sex, I just drop it right away and go, “Do you love being licked?”
Am I going too far too fast? It doesn’t seem to be working, and I’m wondering why. A girl said that to me once and it went fine—we had sex for a whole month. Why are people so shy and so unable to express themselves? Don’t you think we should just loosen up and just enjoy each other’s sex organs in each other’s mouths?
—Juke
Dear Juke,
If some strange guy threw me the line “Do you love being licked?” I’d reply, “Only if I get to stick your penis in my coffee grinder while you’re doing it.” Why? Because it’s so transparent that you’ve been sitting at home preparing your attack on Girland a little too hard. No woman likes to be played. It’s boring. Basing your approach on what got your clothes off is perfectly ridiculous. You’re a horny boy. A girl could come up to you, hurl a piece of toilet paper she just fished out of a public bathroom at your face, then wipe it off with a used diaper and you’d get a pike.
Loosening up is not the responsibility of your prey. Not everyone wants someone’s cock in their mouth two minutes after touchdown. Some women actually like the idea that the one they put in theirs is attached to a smart, charismatic man. Just take it easy pal.
Dear Sasha, Is it true that girls have bigger anuses than men, and therefore it is easier for them to have anal sex?
—Bjoern Jogerstad
Dear Bjoern,
This is my first letter from Sweden and I promise I will not evaluate your entire culture by it. At the moment, however, I find the visual image of a gang of lanky blonde women with simple yet well-designed barstools stuck up their gigantic bumholes irresistible.
Bjoern, have you been trying to convince Inga to take it in the bronze Ikea? ‘Cause telling her that her anus is bigger than yours is probably not your best approach. Go out and buy the book Anal Pleasure and Health by Dr. Jack Morin. Please.
Dear Sasha, I met an escort through the paper about two years ago. Since then, she’s stopped advertising and seeing other customers, and has only kept me on. She has another job. She’s actually given me her real work, home and cell-phone numbers. Our “dates” are always for evenings or overnight, and believe me, she’s not living off the fee she charges.
I’ve had other relationships, but since we’ve met, I’ve really developed strong feelings for her. My mind says get out of this now but my heart says go. What do you think?
—Dazed and Confused
Dear Dazed,
You two have obviously developed a more personal relationship, but it still exists within professional parameters. Annie Sprinkle, in Shannon Bell’s book Whore Carnival, talks about one client, “I like having sex with him. He has been my client for 16 years... But if he wasn’t paying me, I wouldn’t see him. I like getting paid for it.” This woman may enjoy having sex with you and she’s comfortable opening up to you on a more intimate level, but she may also like the fact that it provides her with a little extra income on the side. Don’t be offended. It’s great to get paid for sex, especially when it’s not a chore. I get the feeling she would stop taking your cash if her feelings had changed, but that shouldn’t stop you from making your sentiments clear. If you decide to get out because you don’t think she’s going to go for anything more heavy with you, you have to let her know why.
Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM
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