BANGIN’ THE GAVEL

If loving one’s self is a crime (with loving one’s self defined as standing around the corridors of a municipal building, junk out, jacking it), then Frank Lahay is as good as guilty. Blame it on all those legal dramas depicting perfectly coiffed attorneys making it all look so damn sexy—even though Lahay’s chosen fiddling grounds were the less-than-sexy St. Landry Parish, LA courthouse.

According to police, the 28-year-old Lahay spent over an hour loitering in the hallways and waiting areas of the courthouse with no real reason to be there, all the while tampering with his evidence. Surveillance video shows Lahay pulling out his li’l lawyer almost immediately after entering the courthouse. He is then seen leaning on a wall playing with himself, sitting in a waiting area playing with himself and just strolling about playing with himself. When others came into his field of view, Lahay covered his crotch with his baggy shirt and feigned nonchalance. Eventually a secretary figured out exactly what Lahay was trying to pull and called for help.

Although Lahay tried to flee, he was readily caught and now faces charges befitting a public masturbator.

by SCOTT SAXON