Major malfunction

The dirty deeds and dangerous dancehall
of cartoon killing machine Major Lazer

GOING COMMANDO: Major Lazer with Diplo and Switch

by RUPERT BOTTENBERG

Few will recall the secret Zombie Wars of the Reagan era, primarily because they were secret (duh), but those eerie conflagrations were the crucible that made high-tech, rogue Jamaican cartoon commando Major Lazer the man he is today.

Okay, his CIA handlers helped, replacing his severed right forearm with a prosthetic laser gun, and hooking him up with a wicked, gravity-defying hoverboard to get around. And that Major Lazer sure gets around! Despite a hectic schedule of suicide-mission assaults and off-the-books wet works, though, the good major found time to enlist noted DJ/producers Diplo and Switch—whose resumes include M.I.A., Bonde do Role and such—in the crafting of his debut album.

Guns Don’t Kill People… Lazers Do is an obtuse and bloody-minded blend of dancehall, dub, dusty rock steady, surf, punk and global ghetto funk. A stellar list of guest vocalists includes VYBZ Kartel, Santigold, Amanda Blank, Mr. Vegas, Ms. Thing and, for some reason, a horse.

Though Major Lazer himself won’t be physically present in Montreal this weekend (something about a coup d’état in southeast Asia), he’ll be repped by Switch and Diplo, who “facilitated” an elaborately encrypted comlink between the Mirror and the Major.

Mirror: Your minions Diplo and Switch have been taking a lot of credit for your album while you weren’t paying attention, acting like you need them more than they need you.

Major Lazer: Diplo and Switch dem ah my bredrin still, me no really like the hype and spotlight, dem ah di artiste, mi ah di orginiator.

M: You’ve thoughtfully offered the youth of today the opportunity to not only remix your track “Pon De Floor” but also to fool around with your graphics like some sorta digital Presto Magic shit. How’s that worked out for you?

ML: Presto wha? Ah wha dat, man?

M: Speaking of the youth of today, your little ditty “Baby” offers some perspectives on parenting, plus some vaguely nauseating Auto-Tune. Are you much of a family man? Are there a lot of little Private Lazers scampering about your compound?

ML: Bwoi, mi ave baby all ova di worl. Anyweh meh go, mi muss lef a minor lazer.

M: This may be a painful issue for you to discuss, but do you feel your traumatic experiences during the Zombie Wars gave you any useful skills or insights that might apply to the music industry today?

ML: Trauma? Bad man nuh inna trauma. But certain skills and tactics dat mi pick up along di way, now I can use dem inna everyday sense. Art of War ting, see me?

M: What’s with your fucking hand, man?

ML: Easy yuself, my yute. Or mi aguh show yu seh di lazer arm still ah work.

M: You’ve borrowed the bassline from Black Flag’s tender classic “Six Pack” for your equally tender and classic “Lazer Theme.” This begs an important question—could you take Henry Rollins in a fistfight?

ML: Mi nuh know dem man deh, but mi know seh dem cyaan run inna mi. Major Lazer ah nuh simple ting.

M: That hoverboard of yours is pretty dope. Can you do tricks and shit with it or is it just basic transportation?

ML: Bwoi, mi jus go from ya so to deh so wit mi board, but a couple yute inna my village ah flex di stunt ting. Yu waan try it?

WITH CROOKERS, A-ROCK AND HATCHMATIK
AT METROPOLIS ON FRIDAY, OCT. 9,
10 P.M., $30, ALL AGES