Hurting your brain

by ERIK LEIJON

If you’ve ever studied for the GRE, LSAT, or taken any sort of math class in your life, portable brainteaser hit Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box (DS/Nintendo, Level-5) will undoubtedly bring some uncomfortable, likely suppressed memories to the surface. A game requiring a modicum of deduction skills is automatically some sort of sadomasochistic torture device, but the stovepipe-hatted professor and his grab-bag of brainteasers feels like a particularly jarring study session.

If 20 people board the train at station A, and one-third of them disembark at station C, then how many puzzles will the math-tarded game reviewer go through before angrily scribbling “eat it, prof” on the game’s memo tote board?

Or here’s another puzzle for the renowned sleuthing archaeologist and his unblinking, bug-eyed assistant Luke: how many variations of discarded SAT questions must I go through before I stop caring about discovering the identity of the game’s murderer? Or how about this teaser: why am I still playing this game, and obsessing about the puzzles I couldn’t crack long after stashing away my Nintendo DS?

Hershel Layton’s puzzle-enraptured England reminds me of one particularly lengthy study session nearly a decade ago, when I was studying for the practice SAT’s (provided at my high school in the advent I was interesting in pursuing an education in the U.S.). The math problems were especially daunting in my case, and after hours of poring over a study guide with hypothetical situations involving displaced people, cup measurements and strange polygons, I escaped the library like a pasty troglodyte emerging from the cave after years of isolation. Even crossing the street midday was a harrowing experience, because I still had algebraic equations dancing about my head, and I was more inclined to stare at the mnemonics draping my arms rather than the streetlights.

Professor Layton seems unassuming enough, with his refined British accent and excessive politeness, but rest assured the game surreptitiously recreates the model test environment where it feels like you’re fighting the clock to complete an endless pile of questions. It makes sense that the game takes place in England, the one nation where it seems fathomable that people talk to each other like erudite Family Guy characters, going into non-sequiturs that typically involve some niggling puzzle they’ve been losing sleep over. Forget the fact that Prof. Layton’s good friend was brutally murdered in his own home at the start of the game and that teach spends every waking moment with an eager young boy he refers to as his “apprentice”—no one bothers to answer the tough life questions in this game. Everyone in Prof. Layton’s England is more concerned with how many apples each kid is carrying, or the fastest way out of the labyrinth.

Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box is the perfect puzzle game until you get stumped, then you’ll realize brain teasers are made for young people, the type still capable of producing working brain cells.

Fifth encore

Guitar Hero 5 (Multi/Activision, Neversoft) is pretty much the same guitar rhythm game you’ve been playing year after year, but the noteworthy additions have been made with drunken partygoers in mind.

All four players can now play in every possible combination, so feel free to have four lead guitarists or two singers. Players can also enter at any point during a song, and in momentum mode, the game will adapt and get easier/harder based on your play. For obsessive types with lightning fast fingers, there’s nothing new beyond the varied setlist. Guitar Hero 5 is tacitly hinting that perhaps you’ve been playing too damn much.