THIS WEEK: Morrissey, Kings of Leon,
Final Flash!

PLUS: Cyclists bombing the wrong way down
St-Laurent declared idiots!!

F So this goes out to the Kings of Leon crowd. You guys SUCK. I have never seen a worse crowd ever. What were you doing sitting? And what about all the fucking couples? I know they were playing “Knocked Up,” but you didn’t have to get knocked up right there in the concert! No wonder Caleb got pissed. But you guys probably don’t even know who Caleb is—you just heard “Use Somebody” on the radio and thought it would be cool to see that band in concert. Well, that’s all I had to say and Jared, Matthew, Caleb and Nathan Followill, you guys rocked. Please come back to Montreal. [BLEEP!]

F This is for the asshole in the FEDORA HAT at the Kings of Leon concert who stood behind me and waited for me to move ever so slightly to ram me out of the way and then take my spot, and who then told me to fuck off when I complained. It’s called common courtesy. You don’t stand in front of someone who is a foot shorter than you. You kiss your mother with that mouth, you fucking piece of pepper shit?! I didn’t pay $73 to look at the back of your fucking ugly head! I think you would have seen fine standing behind me. It’s not like Kings of Leon would have noticed you anyways and you could have at least acted like you were enjoying the music by dancing and cheering. Fuck toi, la. [BLEEP!]

F Hey Rant Line™, I went to M for Montreal and saw this band playing their gig. I totally made a CONNECTION with the lead singer. I don’t remember the name of the band but he totally looked at me for more than 30 seconds! So if anyone knows who was playing Sunday at four in the Old Port at M for Montreal, help me make a connection. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F Hi. My friend just called to make a rant but she totally blew it up so I am going to do it for her. We went to M for Montreal and we were supposed to get there at five, but we got there at four and we decided to go check this band anyways. The lead singer totally made a connection with her, like the whole time! So the band is called Final Flash. The LEAD SINGER had sunglasses and FLOWERS on his shirt. If anyone knows him, just call Rant Line™ and give us info. Thank you, Montreal. Bye. [BLEEP!]

F What’s with everyone sucking Morrissey’s vegan, gluten-free DICK lately? He’s not 100 per cent terrible but he’s been around for 20 years. Only now all of these hipsters are cumming in their pants about him?? It’s a weird trend. Okay, I’m going to go eat some veal and listen to the Cure. [BLEEP!]

F Okay, please print this because I am a GOOD GIRL. I’ve never screamed ‘I hate you’ to my mom, I’ve never cheated on a boyfriend and I’ve only stolen once in my whole life and it wasn’t even something cool, it was an umbrella from an orthodontist’s office. I would like to address the gentleman who said that Radiohead was an emo-fag band. This guy is an ignoramus. Bands like Radiohead and Joy Division and even the Smiths make beautiful music and if he can’t acknowledge that, then I feel sorry for him. And before he goes ahead and calls me a sissy bitch, he should know that I also enjoy some HARD MUSIC. I like the Germs, the Bad Brains, Wendy O. Williams and my favourite band in the world for years has been the SEX PISTOLS, but I can acknowledge when a song is beautiful. Thank you. Bye. [BLEEP!]

F The WASPS are not being courteous, you freak. They just don’t want to get stepped on. [BLEEP!]

M I’d like that righteous bitch to step off her HIGH HORSE, ragging on unemployed artist stoners. You know you’re a chubby chick that can’t draw and hates her life because she can’t stop fucking graffiti artists that are so clueless to what a job is that smoking weed on a couch is their exact definition of being successful. P.S. your job sucks and everyone thinks your tits are too far apart. [BLEEP!]

M Fuck flip flops. [BLEEP!]

M You know, when you go to the store and they just ask you, “Do you want a bag with that?” and you say yes and they give you this kind of dirty look, like you’re polluting their planet? Well, you know what? When my dog fucking drops a STEAMING DOOKER in front of your store, you’re going to be happy I got a bag because you’re going to like your environment better without steaming piles of crap in front of your store. [BLEEP!]

M Shouldn’t there be some fucking bylaw against WATERING the sidewalks? Like, give me a fucking break. Pick up a broom. [BLEEP!]

M Cyclists BOMBING the wrong way down St-Laurent have got to stop. 10:30 a.m. Monday morning some idiot girl, with headphones on no less, was just bombing down St-Laurent and caused a rear-end collision as the car was trying to avoid her turning onto Bagg street. As much as cyclists in this city bitch and moan about the conditions of drivers and how horrible they are, you’ve got to take responsibility for your actions. That was just moronic and people are going to get killed. And, more than that, they’re going to cause other people to hurt themselves. It’s just idiotic. And this girl, she didn’t even stop. She just kept on going, she had no idea she caused an accident. It’s just idiotic and stupid. [BLEEP!]

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