$12-MILLION
SQUAT

To make other people’s hardships beneficial to one’s self takes a special sort of slug. Cheronda Guyton, a VP in charge of foreclosed commercial properties at Wells Fargo Bank, appears to be that very sort. Not content with the fruits of her Wells salary—made possible in part by the 25 billion bailout dollars Wells heisted from the Federal Reserve—Guyton moved into a house the bank acquired after its rightful owners lost their fortune to Bernie Madoff’s evil schemes. She didn’t buy the house or anything so jejune. She just kinda claimed it.

Residents of the elite Malibu Colony say Guyton took residence in the oceanfront property shortly after the bank took it over in May, and hosted lavish parties while Wells repeatedly blew off or ignored calls from interested buyers.

A Wells representative claimed the former owners requested the property be kept off the market, but that Guyton’s actions violated what was adorably called the bank’s “code of ethics.” Expecting the masses to believe no Wells execs knew what Guyton was up to, the VP was relieved of her post at the first sign of the situation becoming a PR nightmare.

by SCOTT SAXON