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Dear Sasha, I’m looking for an instructional book or video on how to give a good prostate massage as a partner of mine really loves them. Would you have any material to recommend?
—Prostrating for His Prostate
Dear Prostrating,
Sure, but as a warning, the world of prostate massage instruction is peppered with lyrically reverent West Coast types and you may find their gushing enthusiasm and avuncular casting choices a little unsettling. Though it is helpful, Joseph Kramer’s Anal Massage series is one I’d put in this category. For a more contemporary approach that features similarly useful instruction but a pornier cast, have a look at Tristan Taormino’s video The Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men. The Bible of anal sex remains Jack Morin’s Anal Pleasure and Health. There’s a chapter on anal eroticism that covers prostate massage briefly but it’s worth picking up for an all over knowledge of the area. Also recommended is The Multi Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams Arava.
Regular workshops are a little harder to locate but if you go to the Prostate Massage group on FetLife.com (you’ll have to sign up first), you’ll find people interested in the topic and you can pick up some tips from enthusiasts.
An online resource I really like is the Healthy Prostate (thehealthyprostate.com) owned and operated by sex educators Christine Fawley and Charlotte Goodman-Smith. “The goal of our site is to offer a clear and concise video guide for men and their partners to learn prostate massage in the comfort of their own homes,” says Fawley. “Some men want to explore prostate massage for pleasure, others have it recommended by their doctors. Our site aims to be a gentle and practical introduction to a painless and pleasurable prostate massage, solo or partnered.” The 25-dollar annual fee is certainly worth the comprehensible demonstration videos and the well-researched lists of books, toys and health tips.
Definitely check it out.
Dear Sasha, I found out two weeks ago that my boyfriend of three years has been cheating on
me for nearly our entire relationship. Aside from the possible STD shitstorm, the details of
which I’m taking care of, I’m looking for support to patch my trust back together. Revenge is
always close to the surface and believe me, I have come up with some devious schemes, but
I’m looking for something more personally healing. I don’t want to spend months or years
plotting his demise—I just want to get well and move on.
-That Sucked, Make It Better Now
Dear Sucked,
“When she talks about patching her trust back together, she probably means one of a few things,” says Jodee Mackaw, psychotherapist. “She might mean that she’s hurting a lot, generally distrustful of everyone, and distrustful of and angry at herself. That’s such a
common reaction to break-ups that any competent therapist can help her work on this.
She might also mean she’s not trusting herself to meet anyone new. This in particular
suggests that she needs to figure out some of what she might have done differently, warning signs she might have recognized, how and why she chose this guy, and how she can be sure she’ll make a different choice next time.” Again, this is where therapy would be useful.
While starting a revenge club through craigslist might seem like a blast, Jodee has some other suggestions. “A good general rule is that revenge fantasies are fun but one should keep track of the amount of time one is spending doing that, and spend at least twice as much time on recovery and healthy activities: taking good emotional care of yourself, getting involved in new things, meeting new people, and so on. Another great alternative is fantasizing about her new and improved life to come, and how to make that happen. And then doing it. Support can take many forms. Sometimes it’s about having people to talk to about the hard stuff but sometimes it’s just as helpful to do fun and rewarding new stuff with others. It’s hard to redirect oneself from fantasies of mayhem to more prosaic but ultimately more useful stuff. But you just keep doing it, redirecting your attention, over and over again, and with practice it gets easier. Like focusing on any meaningful but difficult project, getting distracted and then pulling yourself back on task.”
Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM
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