Big, beautiful heist

Sometimes, after a few drinks, a guy gets a little lonesome. Not the kinda lonesome the other guys he’s been drinking with can take care of, but the kinda lonesome that requires Craigslist—which is precisely where four Mountlake Terrace, Washington men turned that night they got drunk and began longing for a woman’s touch. As they would find out, though, not all things are as advertised, and sometimes one doesn’t get the sort of screwing one was hoping for.

The men say their escort arrived with two friends, and all three were “larger and thicker” than the woman they’d seen on the Internet. Nonetheless, the men paid their $440. One of the ladies then excused herself to use the washroom but instead slipped into a bedroom and began filling her pockets with anything that looked to be of value. Spotted by one of the men, the heavies fled.

The men, assessed as being “incredibly drunk” at the time they filed their complaint to police, described the suspects as twos, although the drunkest of the men insisted they were at least fours. Police are looking for three “chunky” white females, one of whom called everyone “baby.”

by SCOTT SAXON