The boss
is armed

Although U.S. gun dealers say the recent surge in sales prompted by fears of stricter gun legislation has fallen off, sales in another demographic have risen. According to a gun store owner in a wealthy Detroit suburb, the executive branches of banks, accounting firms and auto suppliers have taken up arms. The purchases aren’t prompted by feelings that their past greed merits death at their own hand, as one might hope, but just in case some employee responds to news of yet another fuck-over with violent aggression.

The awesomely named Ray Jihad, owner of Royal Oak’s Target Sports, says execs are arming themselves against workplace violence because of lay-offs. Though Jihad wouldn’t name names, his customers come from industry players that have been making news during the economic collapse.

While the execs tend to favour concealable handguns, the working-class opt for the AR-15 semi-automatic rifle, which would still leave the boss slumped dead in his own blood and feces should a firefight break out. Last year, there were 28 management-level fatalities across the U.S. All but six were accidental.

by SCOTT SAXON