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Dear Sasha, I met a guy a few months ago on Facebook. He asked me out at an event and we went out many times after that and started liking each other. The problem is he is on Facebook 24/7. Lots of his friends on there are female. They post rambling conversations on his wall and he makes flattering comments on their personal photos. After several questionable incidents, I finally lost it when a girl kept posting comments full of personal information on his wall. He admitted he has a Facebook addiction and said he would try to cut back, but then he went and deleted me as a FB friend. He then wrote to tell me he still likes me and wants to continue seeing me.
This guy is sending major mixed messages. Even when I hang out at his house, he’s still preoccupied with sending messages to friends online. I like this guy a lot but there’s obviously a problem here. Any suggestions would be great.
—Freakout on Facebook
Dear Freakout,
It doesn’t sound like he’s made any promises to be your ever-loving BF, but still, if he is seeing you and other ladies, then yeah, he’s a tacky dick for canoodling (yes, I just used that odious term but it’s totally appropriate given the odious circumstances) with other ladies when you’re over at his house. I will admit unfriending you is an uncharacteristic move for a tacky dick (like, doesn’t he want to continue building your insecurity through his inexhaustible harem of eager women?) but other than that, I don’t see any mixed messages. His actions are crystal clear: I need a lot of attention from women and I need everyone to know I get a lot of attention from women. You should run screaming from me like my eyeballs are made of dead frogs.
Do not take his actions as a challenge, Freakout, a testament to how desirable he is and how lucky you’d be to land him. Trust me, there is nothing in there worth unearthing—not at the moment anyway. And consider yourself lucky Facebook exists as it provides an irresistible forum for boys like this to expose themselves. Back in my day, you had to rely on nascent instincts, a few frosty scenes with hair-flicking girls in bars and Chlamydia to know you were dating a narcissistic cad. I would just dump him, or at least wise up to what he is.
Dear Sasha, We’re a male/female couple who are looking to explore our submissive sides with a dominant woman. We were wondering if you knew of any reliable sites that cater to the BDSM/fetish communities where you are able to post profiles and browse for potential partners.
We’re looking for a woman well versed in domination, though we would rather avoid paying someone. Any tips would be most welcome for sites catering to our needs.
—J&M
Dear J&M,
Fetlife.com: effortless to join and obviously created by people who have been online and in the fetish community forever. Best of all, it assumes that people will behave themselves and doesn’t come at you out of the gates with all kinds of highhanded, overwrought ethics and philosophies about BDSM. If you can get past the occasional flame war and scorched purple prose, it’s a great place to start.
Fill out a profile and join groups that appeal to your interests—there are literally dozens of them. Do some public posting in a few groups about topics you’re into so people will get to know you and what you’re into. Most importantly, make some online friends who will offer you tips and advice. Look over all the profiles in your area and send private messages to the members who pique your interest. I don’t think you’ll have any trouble meeting new pals on this site, though be patient about your personal interest—dominant women are in high demand in this community.
People in the BDSM community, while often supremely dorky, are fucking sweethearts and very generous with their knowledge and resources. I’m excited for you! I think you’re about to embark on a thrilling new chapter of your life as a couple and as far as I can see, Fetlife will be an excellent springboard.
Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM
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