AGENT WEASEL

To hear that the CIA is looking for a bunch of laid-off U.S. bankers should stir hopes that there may well be justice left in the world. But it’s not for trials, interrogation or waterboarding that the bankers are being sought. Instead, the CIA wants these down-and-outers, necks no thicker than the pencils they push, to put their expertise in number crunching, paper shredding, secrecy and deceit to work for the Agency.

Using the very effective medium of radio advertising, the CIA has called for “economics, finance and business professionals,” to apply for a job as part of the Agency’s “global mission.” Presumably that mission will include taking the skills they perfected in ruining their own nation’s economy and implementing them on foreign soil.

Along with background and medical checks, potential employees will have to undergo a lie detector test, in part to prove to the CIA that their love of money can take a backseat to their love of country.

“As long as they can make that attitude switch from profit being the motivator,” said CIA recruitment spokesman Ron Patrick, “I think they’ll fit in very well with us.”

by SCOTT SAXON