THIS WEEK: Sandal culture,
bobcats, Mr. Baby!

PLUS: Never have sex with your boss!!

M Yeah, hi, Rant Line™. I’ve got a question. Where are all the good hip hop stations on the radio in Montreal? The only one I can find is on Wednesdays from three to five on CKUT and it’s called the LION’S DEN. So if you can help me out, send me a shout-out. I mean hip hop, not this Lil Wayne crap. [BLEEP!]

F Yeah, this is for the person who stole my les Georges Leningrad STICKER. Yeah, the piss-yellow one that’s not that aesthetic. It was on my bike, man. Why do you unpeel a sticker on a bike?! It was on my fucking ugly bike and I was really proud of it. And I parked right next to UQÀM’s science building for safety. Don’t unpeel stickers! Fuck. [BLEEP!]

M Hey Rant Line™, this is for the guy who’s looking for weed in Montreal and was wondering if going to Square Berri is a good idea. I just want to say, man, don’t go there. Since the cops take off all the bikers, it’s just crackheads that are here and they sell shit, man. The best advice that I can give to you is to find yourself a good dude with a BEEPER. Yeah, take care. [BLEEP!]

M Salutations, fellow Rant Liners, this rant is about SANDAL CULTURE. What is sandal culture, you ask? Well, if you look around, you see people walking around everywhere, downtown, the Plateau, wearing sandals. Now yes, you want to let the fresh air TWINKLE your toes, but you are exposing yourself to countless FUNGI, all kinds of different germs and bacteria that are everywhere, especially downtown. People walk around downtown with sandals where people are pissing in the streets! Like, have you never heard of foot and mouth disease? People are just not really conscious of the risks that they’re exposing themselves to! In your backyard, it’s fine but, dude, downtown? There are dirty used hypodermic needles on the floor. So, that’s my rant. Sandal culture, no good. [BLEEP!]

M Hey Montreal, you know what grinds my gears? I’m a dog owner and I don’t understand why they don’t allow dogs in restaurants, but they allow BABIES. My dog shits outside, he doesn’t shit inside. Babies shit inside. It STINKS. And my dog’s well-behaved, he’s quiet. Babies aren’t quiet. It just sucks. I have a shitty job, you know, and when I make some money, I go to a restaurant for a good meal and there’s Mr. Baby, yeah, and he’s crying, yeah. Fuck babies. I hate babies. It’s called condoms, fucking wear condoms. [BLEEP!]

M If it wasn’t for the fact that the homeless guy who’s rambling on to no one in particular, if it wasn’t for the fact that he is probably swimming in DISEASE and if I’d linger any longer he might POUNCE and attack me, I might pull up a chair and listen to his interesting stories about ELLA FITZGERALD and communist countries and such. Those homeless, they impart interesting advice. They’re crazy as a bat but they impart interesting advice nonetheless. So stay in tune, Montreal, to the homeless. But don’t get too close because, you know, they might kill you. [BLEEP!]

F Hi, I’m new to Quebec and I’ve been reading the Rant Line™ and there was an article in it not too long ago about some guy looking for BOBCATS. I know what a cougar is but everybody that I have asked in Montreal doesn’t have a clue what a bobcat is. So I was wondering if the same person who wrote that line could educate us to what a bobcat is and maybe someone might respond to him about where he could find them. Thank you and have a great summer. [BLEEP!]

M Fuck international tuition fees. Fuck managers who tell you continuously to call back. Fuck people who aren’t hiring. Fuck people who won’t hire me. Don’t tell me to fill out a fucking form if you’re not hiring. Don’t continuously JERK people around and tell them to come back the next day when you’re not even going to be there. And fuck managers who ask me if there’s any days that I can’t work and then ask me why and proceed to tell me that my reasons aren’t valid. And FUCK CAPITALISM. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M Has anyone noticed a strange billboard on the east side of University Street north of Wellington? It’s meant to be seen entering or leaving the city from the Bonaventure Expressway but it’s much clearer from ground level. It’s just a violent image showing two VICIOUS DOGS attacking another dog or wolf. There is no writing or name of the advertiser on the billboard. I figure it’s got to be either a viral ad for some upcoming film or a SUBLIMINAL ad for the New World Order? [BLEEP!]

F Hi Rant Line™. This is to the man who has been here for four months and thinks it’s okay to hit a girl back if she slaps you. First of all, I’d like to say welcome to Canada. Secondly, I’d like to say you might want to make sure your immigration papers are finalized before you strike back. Just a suggestion. Thanks. Bye. [BLEEP!]

F Long time listener, first time caller. Never have sex with your BOSS. Not even if he’s cute and you like him and he’s playing with your BRA STRAPS. He will give you herpes, he will break your heart repeatedly and if you are really unlucky, he will be the only person in your life that you’ve ever slept with or worked for to ever call you a stupid fucking bitch. Never have sex with your boss. Thank you. Bye. Peace. [BLEEP!]

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