We wee

Dear Sasha, I’m a big fan of the Hitachi Magic Wand, I think every woman should own one. I’m intrigued by the We-Vibe u-shaped vibrator and am writing to you to ask your opinion. Have you experienced it or know of anyone who has? Is it worth the steep price tag?

—Jump

Dear Jump,

I got no love from the We-Vibe. When worn as per the instructions, “while I made love,” I felt like I was getting a UTI and as a Magic Wand driver myself, I found the vibration nugatory. Insert side-splitting Pee-Vibe or Wee-Vibe pun here.

Shelley Taylor from Venus Envy (where they’ve sold like, a bajillion) had this to say: “The We-Vibe has been unbelievably popular, and for some very good reasons. Its unique design allows for simultaneous clit and g-spot stimulation. Also many women find it to be small and flexible enough to use during intercourse. That said, there are some things about it that might not work for all women. It’s not all that powerful. If someone regularly uses the Wand, it’s likely that the We-Vibe is going to feel like a pleasant buzz, not even close to orgasmic.

In terms of comfort, the We-Vibe is marketed as a “couples toy,” meaning they’ve built it to be used by one man and one woman while they’re fucking [in some of their promotion the makers are very careful to note that ‘the world is looking for toys to spice up the average heterosexual couple’s sex life and the We-Vibe does that without alienating or replacing the man. The We-Vibe is a non-threatening, non-phallic, elegant little device’] but some people won’t be able to use it during sex due to their or their partner’s shape and size and so on.”

For someone who doesn’t need a whole lot of torque and likes the idea of the clit and g-spot being attended to simultaneously, the We-Vibe could be just the thing. Shelley, “really liked it as a g-spot toy when I turned it around and used the larger end inside and the smaller end outside. And they don’t say this on the package, but a penis isn’t really necessary, the We-Vibe works really well with fingers too.”

If this all sounds intriguing but the hefty price tag still has you on the fence, I’d suggest scoping the list of this year’s Genie nominees for a possible playmate. The We-Vibe was included in their gift bags.

Please indulge me in a momentary rant…

Did you see that dipstick Bristol Palin on the cover of the June 1 issue of People? Bristol, posing prettily in her graduation cap and gown, holds baby Tripp with this infuriating pull quote below: “If girls realized the consequences of sex, nobody would be having sex. Trust me. Nobody.”

Bristol’s contradictory moralizing doesn’t stop there. She’s on tour with her “abstinence first” campaign (the American definition of which being unprotected sex, making her the perfect ambassador) and she’s brought along a delegate whose expertise on the topic matches hers perfectly: Neil Cole from Candie’s shoes (yes, the very company that makes hooker wedges favoured by Christian rock singers). In an interview on Good Morning America, here’s what Cole said about the campaign and Candie’s involvement: “We at Candies are known for selling high heeled, one could say sexy shoes, and we saw this issue. We found out about eight years ago that almost one million teenagers were getting pregnant and we were astounded by the figures so, as a company, we decided to give back and say that just because you’re wearing high heeled sexy shoes that you obviously should not have a baby.”

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

This is why I’m so glad that a group of young people organized by Planned Parenthood have put together the Toronto Teen Survey. While it does cover typical issues like STIs and pregnancy, it openly addresses the matter of pleasure, something that almost always gets overlooked when teens and sex are discussed.

As the survey, conducted by the kids themselves, says, “There is a significant discrepancy between what youth are learning and what they want to know. Healthy Relationships, HIV/AIDS and Sexual Pleasure are the top three sexual health topics youth want to learn about.” Wake up and smell the jizz, America! Teens don’t want mixed messages and trashy pumps! They want clear information that respects their right to nourishing and safe sexual expression. Read the survey here: torontoteensurvey.ca.

Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM