UNCONTROLLABLE
URGE

Teaching a child about the birds and bees can’t be easy for a parent. But one Springfield, Ohio, woman has likely quashed any interest in the subject outright for her two toddlers after pulling to the side of the road for some front-seat fornicating while they sat watching.

Springfield police report that 24-year-old Danica A. Wallace and 29-year-old Eric Welch were in their car when officers, intrigued by the fact both adults were in the driver’s seat, approached and quickly realized Welch was balls-deep in Wallace. Viewing from the backseat were Wallace’s three-year-old son and 22-month-old daughter.

Wallace explained they’d been at a friend’s home but couldn’t have sex there, so they figured the car was the next best choice. Welch, who police described as “extremely intoxicated,” told officers, “We got horny and just wanted to fuck.”

Though insisting she was “not completely drunk,” Wallace also failed several sobriety tests. Strewn about the car’s interior were empty beer bottles and some recently burned pot. The two face assorted DUI, drug, indecency and endangerment charges.

by SCOTT SAXON