Three’s company

Dear Sasha, I know that my guy would really enjoy a threesome with me and another woman. We briefly discussed possibly finding someone in our circle of friends but upon further consideration, I’m really not comfortable with this idea. The potential for post-coital awkwardness and weirdness is a big turn off for me so I’d like to look into hiring a professional.

In addition to information about how to find a suitable provider, I also want to know if I’m allowed to “interview” candidates and if I can ask them to provide proof that they’re disease-free. To be honest, it’s one of my biggest anxieties about going through with this and another reason I want to go pro (I imagine the request of proof wouldn’t be an insult? I would certainly be willing to provide the same). I have never had so much as a yeast infection, and I want to keep it that way. But I would really like to be a part of fulfilling this desire for my partner so I want to take all the steps possible to put my mind at ease and be open to enjoying it myself.

—Looking for a Lady

Dear Looking,

While an actual doctor’s note may not be proffered (prostitutes do not appreciate being treated like vectors of disease by patronizing, skittish amateurs) you can rest assured safer sex will be first on the menu, regardless of your own sparkling health. Also guaranteed is that whomever you engage professionally will be more apprised of infection control than most if not all of your friends, who, statistically speaking, are more likely to pass on an STI than a hooker is.

Before you start trawling for group sex with anyone, I would suggest becoming savvier regarding the use of condoms, dams and gloves. This will be far more impressive to anyone experienced in such relationships than your health records and self-righteous attitude.

Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM