Just plain deadly

Ladies’ man Matthew McConaughey is
scared straight in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

CONTRIVED CASANOVA:
McConaughey with Jennifer Garner

by MATTHEW HAYS

Matthew McConaughey is certainly well cast in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. The former People Sexiest Man Alive (in 2005) plays a studly type who cant and wont settle down with a gal. Instead, this famous fashion photographer bangs as many supermodels as he can, all while disparaging the notion of marriage.

When he attends his brother's wedding, he makes it clear he thinks nuptials are just nutty. This horrifies the guests, including bridesmaid Jennifer Garner, who's an old flame. McConaughey is then visited by the ghost of his uncle, who was a promiscuous playboy who taught McConaughey everything about how to (mis)treat women. The uncle is played by Michael Douglas also well cast who is doing quite an impressive Robert Evans impersonation. Douglas takes him on a tour of his former girlfriends, showing him his mistakes in life. What a cad McConaughey has been, chalking up all sorts of expected, obligatory gags about Casanovas.

This is a self-conscious Christmas Carol for libidinous cads, in which McConaughey learns about the downside of promiscuity and the importance of good old-fashioned commitment. Its contrivances are so frequent that it often feels like a shrill person explaining their relationship neuroses to you. Like a character on Dr. Phil who inspires a quick channel change to something less grating - like the shopping channel.

Generically, this is a chick flick that yearns to maximize its target demographic. Women will be thrilled: he's sexy! He's got a career! He's great in bed! He's a slut but he gets tamed in the end! (I'm not giving anything away trust me, there isn't a plot point in this film that could qualify as a spoiler.)

Some might defend Ghosts of Girlfriends Past as mere benign escapism. But if losing yourself in this film offers comfort, you're in rough shape. As I watched it, I thought of pandemics spreading like wildfire and the ongoing economic meltdown. I kept checking my watch too. An odd thing for escapism to do: this film actually made returning to our shaky reality not seem so bad.

GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST OPENS
THIS FRIDAY, MAY 1