THIS WEEK: Drugstore lesbians, bras,
cocaine, a wolf mask!

PLUS: Martin Picard sexiest man in city?!

M This is to the guy who’s talking about Seized by Force. I have a PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT for all you high school wannabe punk bands. All right, here’s what you do. You take yourselves seriously! Don’t just mash away at an instrument and get your friends to come to shows. Because honestly, I’ve been in one of those bands, I’ll admit it, and it was fucking stupid. Instead, you have to research, you have to learn your instrument and you have to live and breathe music. It’s not something that you can just do part time. It’s something that you have to be committed to. You can’t just be a fucking DRUNK like everyone in Seized by Force is. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, I have a piece of advice to those people who complain about CHOM. It may come as a surprise, as a shock maybe to some, but it is a tip that has worked for me for the past 20 years. Ready?? Stop listening to CHOM! [BLEEP!]

M This is DWC. I was at the Musical Box concert last night. Boy, those guys are bloody good. Hats off to them. They played OLD GENESIS TUNES I haven't heard for awhile. I wish CHOM would do something like that. Anyway, hats off to the guys again, they were good. Go see them, people. [BLEEP!]

F Hey Rant Line. What's going on? I'm just smoking a JOINT and I wanted to talk about the Girlfriends show. Basically, I think they should be called Slutfriends. First of all, the lead singer, she takes her top off! I'm going to see a show, I'm not some lesbian, what the fuck is this? She's in a BRA and singing songs about cocaine. I'm going to spend daddy's money and go shopping, oh yeah. They're talking about eight balls and doing coke all the time in every song, there's some reference to cocaine! They're just trashy. This coke slut girl taking her clothes off on stage with these poor girls around her, dancing. The sad thing is she probably does do coke and thinks she's really cool. And that's the whole thing cocaine just inflates peoples egos and makes them think they are rock stars and take their fucking clothes off and act like they're some hot shit when really they're not anything. They're just some loser putting shit up their nose, walking around a party with WHITE SLIME coming out, rolling down their face from their nostrils, like some fucking animal. And they think they're all fucking beautiful! Whatever. The only notable performance from the Girlfriends show was the girl with the CONDOM song. The chorus was Put a condom on your dick and they were passing condoms out. I got to give props to that girl, that was cool. I think that girl should totally quit the rest of those coke girls and just do her own thing and go and rock some real shit because those other girls, they got no place on a stage taking off their clothes. Peace, Rant Line. [BLEEP!]

M Hey Rant Line. What's up? I just want to rant about the Drugstore. All those lesbians there are very MEAN and they should stop being so goddamn mean. I just want to drink and have fun but they are all very mean. So thanks. Peace. [BLEEP!]

F So MARTIN PICARD just opened his new Cabane à Sucre and I think this is fantastic! And what else is fantastic is Martin Picard! I have the biggest crush on this man. I told my boyfriend and he thinks I'm crazy. But I know I'm not the only person in this city who would gladly, given the chance, smother my body in maple SYRUP and DUCK FAT and pile on a layer of BACON and let him have his way with me. So I want to hear from all the other people who think Martin Picard is fucking sexy. Can I get a what-what? [BLEEP!]

M This is a shout-out to the girl who went to see Lady Gaga and was disappointed. I want to congratulate you for being the one person among the crowd who actually woke up. We tend to give so much praise to these celebrities, but you know what? These people are just like you and I. They take a shit every single morning! Its ridiculous to turn a person into a celebrity just because they know how to SWALLOW. [BLEEP!]

F What's up, Mr. Plateau condo lighter-lending moron? Guess what? If, after five days, you haven't figured out that your girlfriend is stupid for lending some random stranger a lighter through her WINDOW, then you deserve each other. [BLEEP!]

M I live in St-Henri, and at the corner of Ste-Marguerite and St-Antoine the DAVC Castro crew has put up a HUGE TAG on somebody's house. What's up with that shit, man? Do they think were too stupid or too poor or too drunk to care that our houses have paint all over them? I hope those people are happy, man. I'm sure they're not painting their own houses. I hope they're happy that their tombstones are going to say Hey, all we ever did in our lives was bring ugly to other peoples lives. And you know what the worst thing is? They're going to be happy that I phoned in and that I noticed their tag. Fuck you guys. P.S. They KNOW were poor and we wont be able to take that shit off of the wall. [BLEEP!]

M Hey Rant Line. This is in response to the guy who was ranting about what he calls fur fags. Well, the other night, I got fucked by a guy who was wearing a WOLF MASK and it was some of the best sex I've had in my life. It was so good that I sustained neck injuries and couldn't turn my head to the left for a couple days afterwards. So maybe he should try it sometime. Cheers. [BLEEP!]

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