SCOOPER’S
POOPER

As much as someone might be expecting a thumbs-up for picking up after their canine, doing so while naked from the waist down apparently doesn’t earn a person any responsible citizen awards. In fact, it’s for that very slip-up that Susan Bell now faces public indecency charges. And before anyone starts pondering the potential awesomeness of a half-naked woman in their yard, it’s worth noting that Bell’s half-naked “bad” easily outweighs her poop-scooping “good” by about 150 pounds.

One can only hope Bell was bending at the knees when she decided it was early enough in the day to get away with not donning knickers before stepping out into the courtyard of her Portsmouth, New Hampshire, housing unit to clean up doggy waste. Her indiscretion, however, was indeed spotted and, judging by the looks of her neck up, her pasty arse, preening in natural austerity under a waning if not repulsed moon, was enough to merit a call to the police.

The 42-year old has offered no public comment. She was released on her own recognizance pending her arraignment.

by SCOTT SAXON