Cool wind blowing

Though no CSI team lit a match at the boy’s ass to prove conclusively it was he who dealt it, those who smelled it insist Lakeland, Florida’s Jonathon Locke Jr. is the guilty party, and that was enough to earn the eighth-grader the very cruel sentence of a three-day barring from the school bus for the even crueller offence of firing rockets.

According to Locke, whose youthful gangliness gives him the appearance of being in a perpetual state of gas-passing, the story played out like this: A boy next to him started making fart sounds with his mouth, then there was an unpleasant aroma. Locke says he laughed and that’s where his involvement ended, opining the true culprit was “a kid who sits in front of me.” The next day, he was handed his suspension papers. The bus driver complained that “Jonathon passes gas on the bus to make the other children laugh and it is so stink [sic] that you can’t breathe after he does it.”

A school board director said there’s no specific anti-flatulence regulation on the books, but that anything that disturbs the bus is cause for action. Locke’s father said the whole affair was “petty.”

by SCOTT SAXON