NASTY GASH

When operating a reciprocating saw, it’s advisable for the operator to wear eye protection and be cautious at all times of the blade, which moves with great force through drywall, wood or metal. Most people know that because, when purchasing a reciprocating saw, it’ll explain as much on the box. And speaking of boxes, in no known world does a reciprocating saw, or any other power tool, belong in a vagina. Even if you do cram a dildo over the blade first. A Lexington Park, Maryland, couple now knows that, but it took the sacrificing of one man’s character and one perfectly good vagina for them to learn the lesson.

The report of playtime gone wrong came from the man himself, who phoned 911 to report that he’d just stuck a sex toy on a saw blade into his 27-year-old girlfriend only to see the saw tear through the toy and cause some serious, unspecified wounds to the woman’s genitalia. Although initially responded to as a medical emergency, police opened an investigation, only to conclude the act was entirely consensual. The woman explained they wanted to “try something new.”

by SCOTT SAXON