THIS WEEK: Chernobyl Cha-Cha, the Strawbs, Korova’s blonde bouncer!

PLUS: Free condoms and Wonder Balls!!

M Hey there, Rant Line™. I’m calling about a Montreal band that formed 10 years ago and a couple of weeks ago did their last show at ZooBizarre. I haven’t seen a thing about it in the papers, so just to let you know, Chernobyl Cha-Cha died and let’s just remember them. They made a strange blend of electronic and rock and sleaze stuff, so peace. [BLEEP!]

M Hi. This is DWC, I was at THE STRAWBS show last night. Good show, but unfortunately sometimes the music was a little too LOUD and I couldn’t make out Dave Cousins’s voice. But a good show anyways! Thanks again to the Festival des Musiques Progressives de Montréal organization! People, whenever Strawbs come back, 40 years on the go, still going strong, go and see them! [BLEEP!]

M Totally agree with the rant a couple weeks back about Joey Cape. Also, for anyone who’s wondering, Lagwagon still SHREDS live. Last fall they played half the Trashed album and also they had Chris Shiflet in tow as lead guitarist for that tour which was pretty cool to see. It was great to see everyone coming out to see them, they still have a strong fan base in Quebec. Great show! Take care, guys. [BLEEP!]

M While I totally agree with the guy who was talking about CHOM and how much he hates Rush, don’t just stop there. They’re not the ones you should be pointing the finger at. How about the Tragically Hip being played every 10 seconds? How about the worst offenders—U2? They are the most overrated band on the planet, right next to Coldplay. But I have an idea of what we can do with these groups. We can shove them all in a space shuttle and blast it towards the sun and then be done with it. Then we can listen to the best known music to man—rap music. [BLEEP!]

M You got some fucking clown doing a review of U2! Who the fuck does this guy think he is that he can review a U2 album!? He probably wasn’t even BORN when U2 fucking came into existence. Then I turn the page, and in the Rant Line™ they got this stupid little cunt talking about people on the bus! Like, you know, you’re so fucking stupid! I hope you go DEAF by the time you’re 30. [BLEEP!]

F I want to give a shout-out to Korova’s blond bouncer on Friday night. You’re just fucking AGGRESSIVE. That’s not how we do it in Montreal, so I need to tell him. [BLEEP!]

F Okay, you people are idiots. The only good song to strip to is “Tops” from Tattoo You. Best POLE WORK ever. [BLEEP!]

F This is to the JASON fan. I’d just like to let you know that you might be my soul mate and I’m here in Montreal, looking for you. [BLEEP!]

M Hi, I just want to say that nobody should be storing $300 worth of stuff in their car unless they’re SLEEPING in their car—especially not if it gets stolen once. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, this is to the guy who keeps leaving climbing gear and having it stolen. I just wanted to say thanks, the first stuff that I took really equipped me out pretty good. The second batch that you bought I gave to my boyfriend as a gift and he really appreciated it. But we have one more friend who’s looking into getting into climbing, so if you wouldn’t mind going out and picking up another $300 worth of gear and leaving it in your car again, I’ll pick it up next week. Thanks, sug, you’re a doll. [BLEEP!]

M This is for the guy wondering where all the HOT-TO-TROT girls are in Montreal. This might not apply if you happen to look like a DOG’S DINNER, but as far as I can tell every single square inch of this whole city, except for the Village, is a ladies choice one night stand pick-up bar. Of course, I’m talking about girls from Montreal. Any girl who is not from Montreal might look at or talk to a boy for reasons other than sex, but rest assured, all their Montreal friends are sure that she’s a lesbian. [BLEEP!]

F Peace. Love. When will the Rant Line™ be a VEHICLE FOR PEACE instead of being a vehicle for hate? Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M You know what sucks more than fucking wearing condoms? Spending money for condoms. So if you’ve got to wear condoms, well, it’s kinda SKETCHY, but you can get them for free at needle exchange places. I went to this needle exchange place and I’m not a drug user or anything but I just went there because my buddy told me he got some there and I asked them if I could have a box of condoms and I just got this big fat box of condoms for free! I don’t wear them or anything, but I got them for free. [BLEEP!]

M Hey sweeties, this is just an observation. I just had a really, really fun idea. Why should girls have all the fun, wearing bras and stuff? I think it’s about time somebody comes up with the concept of bras for balls. You know, men need support down there as well. Anybody who wants to start that company, I’ll back you up. I’ll spread the word and you can start by calling it WONDER BALLS or something like that. You could do a bunch for sports people… and others… it’s a very new field. I am breaking it to you people, I hope someone can make a creative venture for this wonderful idea. Wonder Balls. Bye. [BLEEP!]

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