THE LAST PLACE
HE LOOKED

Who hasn’t misplaced something—an iPod, cell phone, interest in human contact—and gone to ridiculous lengths to recover it? So when an Ada County, Idaho, man stopped at a highway rest area to bid farewell to breakfast, only to find his car keys missing once done, it wasn’t a huge leap to think they might have tumbled into the murk beneath the toilet. Nor was it difficult to disconnect the toilet from its fastenings and climb down to look for them. But, while he didn’t find his keys, he did find it impossible to climb back out.

Filer, Idaho, police chief Cliff Johnson was among the 10 emergency personnel who arrived to help spring the man, who asked not to be identified but whom we’ll call Shitbrick, from his shameful cage. “It took some lifting to get him out,” says Johnson. “And he had cut himself up pretty good.” Johnson says Shitbrick received a cursory hosing off compliments of the Filer Fire Department, during which he “discovered the keys were still in his back pocket.”

To save Shitbrick further embarrassment, he wasn’t required to give his name. Johnson says they merely “recommended he seek medical attention and get himself cleaned up.”

by SCOTT SAXON