So now she has a new view on life and “needs to find out who she is, on her own” and while she won’t straight-up dump me, she barely wants to see me. She needs space, so I spent Valentine’s Day home alone and sick and that really hurt. I’m on the same page as her on some things, like we should depend on each other less and see our friends more, but I find it hard to understand how after six years she can just shut me off. She also told me about her happily married friend who took a “good, year-long break” with her man and it was the best thing they ever did for their relationship.
I know losing her either way is gonna hurt but the waiting feels a lot like the losing so it’s maybe better to get it all done now. Does this sound like a girl who’s trying to find herself or find someone new?
Dear Lonely,
I can’t believe I even have to ask you this but do you really want your destiny controlled by someone who finds inspiration in arch platitudes concocted by
people who make an aggressive point of looking you in the eye, touching your shoulder and constantly saying your name as a way of distracting you from the fact that they’re not actually saying anything at all?
And on that note, no, I have not heard of this Bashar cat (bashar.org). Like a lot of people, I feel better off accessing the more earthly authorities on relationships and sex than a “multidimensional being who speaks through channel Darryl Anka from what we perceive as the future.” As far as I’m concerned, your girlfriend is putting her fate and yours in the hands of a mis-medicated kook, and if anyone I was dating did this to me, I would kick their ass so hard my shoelace would come out their nose.
I know, I know, you’ve been with this woman for six years so you’ll probably want to give the relationship a little more respect and effort than that, but if this is the means by which she’s “finding herself,” well, believe me, you’ll be right
fucking annoyed by what she comes back to you with because having normal exchanges with people who have been hoodwinked by pseudo-spiritual quacks is nigh impossible.
You are correct in saying that I can’t predict her intentions for your future together (maybe you should consult Bashar on that matter), but I will tell you what you can do with your own time while she’s busy reading books with glowing pyramids on them. Grow yourself a pair and tell the babe that while she’s finding her bliss, you’ll be finding yours. If people want long-term independence in monogamous relationships then they have to be prepared to offer the same to their partners and yes, by that I do mean you should be allowed to date, cruise and sleep with other people should the opportunities present themselves. If, and I do mean if, you find her tolerable to be with once she’s back from Mars, then you can talk about reinstating your previous commitment but I’m warning you, she’ll be chockfull of stories about her past lives and all sorts of other stuff that will just make you want to take a nap, like, forever.
A break is often a good thing, but Lonely, if it were me, I’d seize this opportunity to get the fuck out before I had to spend the rest of my life listening to my woman nattering away in patronizing metaphors with her palms open and uplifted, then, when the fixation ends, having some really embarrassing garage sales.
