Mastering attraction

Hypnotize girls by appealing to
their ears, says mentalist

by CHRIS BARRY

Name: “Spidey”

Age: 23

Occupation: Mentalist

Bio: While still an inspired adolescent, this garrulous, smooth-talkin’ TMR stud launched his career by doing magic shows at children’s parties. Gradually developing the Kreskin-esque mentalism/hypnosis skills he employs in his performances today, as young Spidey’s professional reputation began to grow, he scored a steady gig at a series of Club Meds in the sunny Caribbean, a fortuitous turn of events because it was here, through much study and field work, that he carefully developed the chick magnet skills he’s now passing along via his DVD, The Art of Attraction. Apparently, “through neuro-linguistic programming [NLP], magic and mentalism,” even the dimmest, most ugly of motherfuckers can have beautiful babes lusting for them. If you think you fit the bill and would like to study under the learned one, go to spideymagic.com.

On Spidey’s initial fieldwork: “I began by incorporating what I’d learned from mentalism and NLP into interactions with women, trying to get the best results out of them. For months, I went out every night, experimenting with different approaches, trying to find out what worked best. And through a combination of sociology, psychology and hypnotic technique, I found it. Ninety per cent of it, really, is psychology. I’m also a sociology student at Concordia University, you know.”

How the hell does sociology play into anything? Or does quoting Weber and Durkheim have an aphrodisiacal effect on da ladies heretofore never fully understood? “Actually, it’s more social psychology. One huge chapter in The Art of Attraction is called ‘Anchoring,’ which is based on something called Pavlovian conditioning, have you ever heard of that? It’s a behaviour thing with a dog and some bells and it’s, like, how they used it to make a dog salivate. Yeah, I use a lot of behavioural psychology, like operant conditioning, you know, Skinner’s work, and it’s all based on sociology. I also use certain concepts like cognitive dissonance, which is the idea of our mind playing tricks on us.”

Speaking of “cognitive dissonance,” isn’t “hypnotizing” a girl into desiring one’s mighty bone pretty well the moral equivalent of slipping Rohypnol into her drink? “It’s not hypnosis and the emphasis is clearly not about getting laid. We’re not manipulating girls here, we’re just increasing our attractiveness to them. You see, guys fall in love with their eyes where girls fall in love with their ears, so the hypnosis we use is really more a hypnotic concept, NLP. Basically, when a girl feels attraction, a certain set of switches are turned on in her mind, switches even she herself doesn’t realize are there. Through suggestion, we bring her to that moment where she feels attraction and then use ‘anchoring’ to channel that attraction towards ourselves.”

Something Spidey guarantees: “Results.”

Does it not stand to reason that, by using Spidey’s techniques, a gay guy could convince a straight guy that teabagging is where his true desires lie and successfully offer up his testicles to said closet case for tasting? “Um, that hasn’t been tested so I don’t want to say yes or no. Maybe the straight guy would be attracted to the gay guy but I don’t know if he’d actually act on it.”

Last book read: What Women Want Men to Know, by Barbara De Angelis.

Musical preferences: Celine Dion, Il Divo.

Words of wisdom: “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”

Comments: dimwit@hdot.net