Making
a splash

A swerving pick-up truck and two cans of Natural Ice, the cheapest high-alcohol beer on the market. All that’s missing is the stench of urine. Johnnie Ed Roberts, grats on your hat trick.

The 50-year-old Roberts, originally little more than the unidentified subject of a 911 report about a black pick-up “weaving all over” the streets of Fort Pierce, Florida, with a beer can perched atop its cabin, entered the annals of the unsavoury when he began punctuating police questioning by wetting himself.

While the fact that Roberts was driving erratically could have been enough for police, and his bloodshot eyes, slurred speech and inability to comprehend what was being asked of him definitely should have been, there can be no arguing that urine-soaked jeans are the tell-tale sign that a man is not in peak form. According to police, Roberts also failed to grasp the concept of blowing into a Breathalyzer tube, choosing instead to suck. He also called one of the officers a “motherfucker,” pointing out the officer “ain’t all that” before again peeing on himself; an act repeated in the cruiser en route to jail and again during the booking procedure. Roberts faces charges for DUI and refusing to submit to a breath test.

by SCOTT SAXON