ULTIMATE
SHUT-IN

A 38-year-old man living with his parents can only be thinking one of two things: either “Where’s my ‘Italia’ jacket?” or “I’ve got to get out of here.” For Edward Taylor Sutherland III, sentiments ran heavy toward the latter. But with no job, where could he go? He needed somewhere safe, somewhere simple and maybe somewhere just a little bit awesome. Ah, yes! Jail. And so Edward Taylor Sutherland III walked into the Jefferson County, Kentucky, bank his mother frequented, implied he was concealing a pistol and handed a teller a note demanding “the money.” Then he sat down.

“He wouldn’t take the money,” said Metro Robbery Unit Lt. Jim Mueller. Instead, Sutherland “indicated he was going to wait for police.” Once police arrived, Sutherland, who was actually unarmed, surrendered immediately. He told officers that he was tired of living with his parents, had no job, no car and no hope. All he wanted was to go back to jail.

Sutherland said he chose to rob a bank so he’d be sent to federal prison, where conditions would be more enjoyable. Unfortunately, his crime is not one federally prosecuted. He faces 10 to 20 years in a state pen.

by SCOTT SAXON