THIS WEEK: Nerdy glasses, genitals, chlamydia, Tam!

PLUS: Drug revolution needed?!

F It’s Thursday night and I’m listening to the best radio show in town. It’s called Rythmologie on CISM 89.3 Université de Montréal radio. I’ve been listening to the radio a long time and I have been been a RADIO HOST and I can tell you this is the best damn radio show in town if you’re into electro and jazz stuff. Wow, listen to it. CISM on Thursday at 9 p.m. [BLEEP!]

M This is in response to the rant from Tam regarding her, as she describes it, GREAT SET that she did for Nick Cave. I was front row at that show and I don’t know what show she’s talking about, quite frankly. The reaction I had was that she was acting like a PETULANT CHILD because the audience didn’t seem to be digging her music. That was evident from early on in her set. I certainly don’t remember the last song being the only one that was screwed up or marked by her shitty attitude. I don’t think anybody’s trying to sabotage her career—I think she needs a serious reality check. [BLEEP!]

F Yeah, hi, this is Tam again. This will be my last rant on the subject of the Nick Cave gig. In response to the few people who commented on my last rant, you could at least be brave enough to state your name before commenting so I’d know who you are. I do respect John Cummins. In fact, I put him on the guest list for that show. And as for the other person who asked what Nick Cave thought: well, Nick Cave asked me to join the Bad Seeds so I don’t think I could have sucked that badly. Anyway, I never said I was Celine Dion. [BLEEP!]

M This is a rant for the Show Me Your Genitals guy: I think you’re a bastard for not respecting women. I’m going to find you on the street and I’m going to fuck your mother. [BLEEP!]

M Hey there, Rant Line™. I called two weeks ago and started the rap is shit topic, saying that the song “Addicted” by Sweetbox is the same rip-off as “In Da Club.” I want to specify what I was saying. I was saying, basically, that rap is shit because it’s not imaginative anymore. I truly miss the old days when a rapper would pass a message inside a song, like there’s stuff on the streets going on and we gotta do something about it. But no. Today it’s BEAT-TARDS, idiots who say, ah, I got a Playstation controller and I got a big grill and I got cribs and shit. I don’t care about the expensive shit you bought! I don’t want to hear about how you wash your shoes with a toothbrush when you step in dirt! I don’t understand why a fucking rapper who has a criminal record gets to make more money than a doctor who works his ass off!? Okay, I want to be a rapper, I want to have money, I want to have a gun. Like, okay, yeah, but talk about something else. Basically, that’s what I wanted to say: mean something in music or shut the fuck up. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M This is to all the trend whores who wear those NERDY GLASSES just to look hip. Well, you all look like a bunch of fags, okay!! Get fucking over it! If that is trendy, sucking my cock is trendy too! [BLEEP!]

M Hey, this is my first time ever calling Rant Line™ but I felt I had to because of this person talking about the cyclotron. There’s no other universe inside a CYCLOTRON! A cyclotron cannot make a black hole! A cyclotron does not have anywhere near enough energy to do any of these things. Basically, all a cyclotron—a hadron collider—does is it takes an atom that they want to break apart so they can see what it’s made of. They want to find a particle that is smaller. There is no danger of another universe sucking all our energy and ending our universe. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M I’m really NERVOUS, man, it’s my first… my first… you probably hear this all the time… I’m a first time caller! Anyways, this is about that guy who got his gloves stolen at the doctor’s office. When you go to the doctor’s, you should know if there’s a bunch of dudes standing around waiting to steal your gloves. So you put them in your sleeve. Didn’t that guy’s mom tell him to do that? Tie a string around them or something, I don’t know. Hey, Jeff, you want to say something? Jeff is really drunk but, you know, you can, like, put this in parentheses, and write “long pause while the dude thinks” with three dots. Long pause. End of pause. End of conversation. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, you shit. I’m the one who gave CHLAMYDIA to that BLUE GIRL you screwed and she’s my old lady and I don’t want you to fuck her and get my chlamydia. If you can’t remember my old lady’s name, you don’t even deserve the gift, dickhead. [BLEEP!]

M You know what the human race needs? Another DRUG REVOLUTION. In the ’60s, it was marijuana. In the ’70s to ’80s, it was cocaine and heroin. With the ’90s came crack cocaine, crystal meth and, in the new millennium, it’s PARTY PILLS such as Ecstasy and Quaaludes. So here’s what we need to do. We need to find a brand new drug. Are you with me, people? Let’s do it!! [BLEEP!]

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