THIS WEEK: Sub-V, Cello Guy,
Sweetbox, Sweet!

PLUS: Bring back Fiery Habanero Doritos!!

M This is about all the coverage I’d been hearing on radio and newspapers about the anticipated GANG PRESENCE at the Lil Wayne rap show. The only gangs I saw at that show were gangs of little 15-year-old WHITE GIRLS. But seriously, Lil Wayne ripped that shit. Fucking amazing show. [BLEEP!]

M I am so glad that someone finally noticed the Cello Guy in Snowdon metro. He plays the same THREE CHORDS over and over and then he yells at people for not giving him money and when he gets money, he puts it in his pocket. I’ve been working in or around Snowdon metro for years, he has never played anything other than the same three chords. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M Hi, regarding the Cello Guy in the metro. I just want to say he’s not Italian, he’s ROMANIAN. [BLEEP!]

M Yes, I’ve seen that old Italian prick at Snowdon metro with his goddamn cello. I don’t speak Italian, but if I did I would yell at him as loud as I could after I smash his cello and stuff his bow up his rude ass. And about the bug infestation at Guy-Concordia—I’ll bet you fucking anything all those fucking bugs are brought there by people from the Cock ‘n Bull. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M Hello. In response to the girl who noticed Guy-Concordia’s infestation, I haven’t noticed a problem. But I have noticed the water LEAKAGES which makes me worry about the potential of the entire station collapsing unto itself. City of Montreal, please look into this. [BLEEP!]

M Hello Rant Line™. I am ranting about the song “Ballroom Blitz” and how it really really seems like it should be in the movie The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The voice sounds an awful lot like MEATLOAF and the music also sounds a lot like “Time Warp.” Every time I hear that song, I think of the movie and it’s driving me crazy because Tim Curry is so gorgeous. I love you. [BLEEP!]

M Hey TAM, if you think two bad reviews can sabotage your career, you better get out of the business. And if you’re opening for Nick Cave, the last thing you should be doing is blowing your last song because what do you think he’d think? P.S. Johnson Cummins is a punk and music ICON that deserves much more respect from someone who admits they messed up on their last song, the song people will most remember. [BLEEP!]

F Hey Tam, I have dozens of friends that went to that Nick Cave show and saw you open up for him. Afterwards they reported really bad things about you without having anything to gain personally by destroying or SABOTAGING your career. So maybe you should put your ego aside and own up to the fact that you kinda suck. [BLEEP!]

M If anyone considers Sweetbox and 50 Cent rap, that’s part of the problem because that’s not rap. It’s not hip hop. It’s watered-down bubblegum, club, dancehall, Top 40 crap hip pop. It’s not hip hop, it’s HIP POP. Fucking 50 Cent rap music—give me a break. [BLEEP!]

M Yes, what up, Rant Line? This is Sub-V. I’m here to rant about this douchebag in NDG that keeps ripping down flyers and shit and putting them on our store’s fucking doorsteps. Listen, dude, first of all half the flyers that you rip down aren’t ours, all right? Second of all, I get that you’re pissed off about vandalism and shit but that shit’s been around since way before we’ve been here. We’re the only store in Montreal that sells low-pressure paints for ARTISTIC USE. The vandals that you’re pissed off about, they go to Canadian Tire for their paint. So bring your little douchebag protest to the fucking big businesses. You know, we’re here trying to survive. We’ve got a small store, we showcase local artists and local brands, you’re giving us trouble for nothing. Come to the store and discuss it like a proper human being. Don’t fucking rip down posters and shit and throw it on our doorstep. That’s my rant. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I’m just letting everybody know that they should be on the lookout for a bag of VHS that was left on the subway at about 7 p.m. on Friday night. A bunch of weird old movies on VHS, you know? I’d really like to get that shit back, you know? Thanks. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is to that girl I hooked up at Foufounes Electriques last Saturday. You were wearing blue. I’m pretty sure I have CHLAMYDIA and I think you should get tested. [BLEEP!]

M Sometimes late at night, I like to touch myself to pics of BOB BARKER. [BLEEP!]

M You know what really pisses me off? There’s no more FIERY HABANERO DORITOS. What the fuck? They were the best kind of Doritos, they were the spiciest. Not like the other spicy type that is for pansies. So I called Doritos at the number on the back of the package and they tell me it’s discontinued because of lack of sales! Because a bunch of fucking suburban kids are like, “Oh my God, it’s too spicy, I can’t fucking handle it.” Fucking pisses me off, they were the only good Dorito! What the hell? I tell you, if they put that back on the market, I will buy 50 per cent of it because all the other Doritos taste like ass-turd. Anyways, please have a nice day. [BLEEP!]

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