Cashing the oaf bonus

Greedy bankers and thieving auto execs aren’t the only ones rubbing their oily hands together at the glinting gold in the federal coffers. With plenty of cash to toss around, the White House has granted three top execs at the Pentagon cash bonuses for their performance in their respective posts. But as the trio pockets some $30,000 U.S. apiece, a survey of the employees they directed with alleged success found the three are all, more or less, viewed to be incompetent arseholes.

Rated for their ability to lead their underlings down a happy path of contentment, camaraderie and success, inspector general managers Patricia Brannin, Charles Beardall and Donald Horstman were judged by the Pentagon as deserving a little something extra. However, a confidential Corporate Leadership Council survey conducted by Military Professional Resources Inc. found employees were uncommitted to their jobs, unimpressed with their supervisors and willing to do about the bare minimum for their paycheques. The MPR report concluded that employees were “ill-served,” and that “management displays all the malignant attributes attributed to entrenched bureaucracy.”

The cash bonuses of 20 per cent of the recipients’ annual salaries is the best part of the Meritorious Executive Presidential Rank Award, which also includes a highly eBayable certificate signed by George W. Bush.

by SCOTT SAXON