Sasha’s sexy gift guide

I say it every time I do a gift guide: it’s so important to be scrupulous if you intend to offer sex toys as presents because they are, in so many cases, non-refundable. If you have even the teeniest sneaking suspicion that your well-intentioned choice may erupt into a teary, weeklong emotional processing festival, then for chrissake, get your special friend a naughty gift certificate. On top of the wasted expense, nobody needs to spend an already stressful time of year sleeping against someone’s fuming backside. If you intend to forge ahead with an actual present, here are some of my suggested picks.

Rechargeable vibrators are wonderful things. Lelo, from Sweden, makes a couple of beauties, most especially (in my opinion) the Iris. Five programs, two engines, many hours of fun once it’s charged and a smooth, feminine design. Just about everyone’s trying to get away from the seamier visuals when promoting toys nowadays and Lelo has succeeded brilliantly—honestly, is it an offering to your goddess altar or a vibrator? If you’ve been dying to buy your mom a sex toy because you suspect that she has lacked the kind of pleasure that has become a birthright for our generation but you want to get her something persuasively classy, this would be a good choice: lelo.com.

Lord knows I’ve been trying for weeks to get them inside me but mostly what I do with my Cowboy line from Tantus is gaze at these colossal dildos and dream of the gifted lover who can fit something so substantial up their ass. Do you have a partner with a roller rink for a rectum? Or maybe someone who’d like to be fisted either vaginally or anally but your arthritis or perhaps another mobility issue prevents you? This is the line for you and them: medical grade silicone, heavy, durable and need I say it again, astonishingly large: tantusinc.com.

As always, Vixen remains a perennial favourite of mine, especially their Vixskin line. Goddamn, they make a nice fake penis—chewing gum soft on the outside, firm on the inside. It’s almost depressingly hard to tell the difference between Vikskin and the real thing and if they ever succeed in creating one with a foreskin, I may just give up on biological men altogether: vixencreations.com.

Despite the new lifespan policy and whatever all that ends up meaning, I would still recommend getting your favourite menstruating lady a DivaCup. I mean, basically what you’re doing is letting the babe know she doesn’t have to buy another tampon or pad for the next several years of her life. How’s that for caring? It also means you don’t have to make that trip to the pharmacy for her, so something for the both of you, really: divacup.com.

I raved about them here last week but I still can’t get enough. Vergenza is officially my favourite new sex toy line. Again, if art deco is your passion, dare to take it one step further into the boudoir with these stunning, early 20th century industry-inspired designs: inspiredbyvergenza.com.

The We Vibe, the toy that got the biggest buzz this year, was a disappointment for me. I wore it, as suggested, during penetrative sex, and just felt the whole time like I had a urinary tract infection coming on. Painful, annoying…any better up my ass? Nope. This is not to say that other people haven’t been enjoying it. Have a look at this YouTube video (www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndD8njCQaXc), where Shannon from Babeland demonstrates the many other uses, including as a vibrating cock ring and frenulum massager (and yes, that is a cock from the Vixskin line she is demonstrating on). Regardless, I feel like this is a gift that the female wearer needs to see in person with an advanced understanding of their particular internal anatomy: we-vibe.com.

Have you been curious about The Cone ever since you read that Prince William’s girlfriend Kate Middleton was spotted buying one? I wouldn’t recommend it to someone who likes a more focused clitoral vibration but if you’re sharing your bed with a pillow/stuffed animal humper, The Cone is their Carlsberg years. It’s also nice to plonk your anus down on while you have another vibrator on your clitoris and it’s definitely good for helping relax the anal area in preparation for more invasive items: conezone.info.

All of the above toys can certainly be used by boys but if you’re looking for a tab in slot type deal, The Fleshlight, as always, works like a charm: fleshlight.com.

Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM