A Grey old time

by JOHNSON CUMMINS

If you’ve ever wanted to see the biggest collection of assholes under one roof, you don’t have to look any further than the real-life beer commercial known as a Grey Cup party. Although I couldn’t give a toss about football, or for that matter any sports at all, there is a special joy I get from watching a soused Calgarian screaming “Hey ZZ Top… Stam-fuckin’-peders!” directly in my ear (FYI: I have a long red beard)—that just gives me goosebumps of delight.

Okay, maybe I’m working the poison pen a bit here. I’m sure there are regular Joes and Jills among them who aren’t fanatical freaks, just passionate about Canadian organized sports, but they sure weren’t at the Windsor Ballroom Saturday night for the pre-Grey Cup party.

My reason for lining up in the bitter cold with Calgarians, Hamiltonians, Vancouverites and the rest of Canada that made the trip to Montreal for Grey Cup weekend was to see Canadian punk legends Teenage Head hosting Teenage Head’s Beer Drinking Party. Herein lies the rub, though, as they might as well have named it Rufus Wainwrights’s Beer Drinking Party, because the exact same jarheads would’ve shown up.

LOOK AT HIS LIFE: Neil Young

With the passing of their singer Frankie Venom less than a month ago, Teenage Head made good on their remaining booked dates with ex-Junkhouse singer Tom Wilson guesting on vocals. Wilson thankfully knew his place and was pretty pro throughout. Things were indeed bittersweet, though, as the band were obviously under-rehearsed on certain songs and the inclusion of Junkhouse tunes in the set stole any steam they were able to build up.

This fact was perhaps best expressed by a dashing gentleman whom for the purpose of this piece I will call Dougie. Despite drunkenly using my gangly frame for support the entire show while dribbling on my shoe, he was able to look deeply into his heart of hearts and summon his last remaining strength to keep his arm extended for a full five minutes while flipping Wilson the bird during the entirety of Junkhouse’s Can-con staple “Shine.” Next round’s on me, Dougie!

Now, I realize that expecting to see the same band I saw 29 years ago slam through their first two records at a breakneck pace was unrealistic. The band did take off on “Picture My Face,” “Wild One” and “Let’s Shake,” but the stuffing of under-rehearsed covers of the New York Dolls, the Who and Eddie Cochran into the set had the stink of a bar band playing Peel Pub on wing night.

Easily the best part of the show was the not-so-sprightly drunken oaf with smudged face paint who spilled onto the ground near the front of the stage during the second to last song of the Head’s set. Judging by the ensuing stench, it was obvious to all the portly chap had suffered a “fart surprise” (uh, he shat his pants). Now there’s a beer commercial you probably haven’t seen before. Go team go!

Probably more of a Blue Bombers fan, seeing as he was raised in a prairie town, Neil Young makes a stop at the Bell Centre on Monday, and if you haven’t had the privilege of seeing him shake things up, you cannot miss him this time around.

I’M LAYING PIPE FOR MY LOVE…JONATHAN.CUMMINS@GMAIL.COM