THIS WEEK: Living With Lions, Big L, Billy Buster, Miss Portugal 2008!

PLUS: Pole-dancing recommendations needed!!

M Hey, Rant Line™, I just came back from the Living With Lions show at Underworld and it was amazing. I loved every single band there. But what really pissed me off was when Dig It Up played. Don’t get me wrong, I love Dig It Up, they’re one of the best hardcore bands I’ve ever seen, with members from Explode and Rebuild. But what pissed me off was the SCENE KIDS all in the front. There was like a fucking wall. Even worse, they weren’t even scene kids, there were scene GROWN-UPS—20-year-olds in striped tights. It was really, really weird and I just felt like going over there and breaking every one of their cell phones, breaking their thick-rimmed glasses and choking them with their own scarves! I mean, they buy all their shit at American Apparel and I know I’m not supposed to bash American Apparel because, like, you guys are fucking sponsored by it but, ah, shit, I’m drunk. Yeah, so, scene grown-ups can just fuck off. I hate them. [BLEEP!]

M This goes out to the PEABRAIN who tried to diss KRS-One. First off, the man is a foundation MC who pioneered the art of battle. This is why he is known as the TEACHA, the diplomat of hip hop culture. Hip hop is a movement that has roots through oppression, love and struggle. Rap, on the other hand, is the generic shit created by and sold to peabrains like you by the Joe Ice Cream society profiteers who attempt to sell whack MCs with no substance as superstar rappers. And you eat it up like cereal. Lesson two, lose the Soulja Boy and find a friend to teach you about hip hop. A true MC paints a picture with his or her words using wittiness and fresh hooks, humour, ear etc. Love or hate Biggie Smalls, he was definitely one of the wittiest and one of the most charismatic MCs to ever bless the mic. His flow was also bananas—just like the late great Big L. Now go load up your iPod and listen before you start pissin’. Oh yeah, kids, true MCs don’t age, they evolve. No doubt BDP is old school but we ain’t going out. KRS-One fans for life. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M You rap fans, you remind me of FUNDAMENTALIST Muslims or Christians, breaking off into little groups all the time. The guy that gave his e-mail out begging to school others to think like him, in five years he’s going to be knocking on your door begging to school you on the literature of the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Who cares if Tupac was a gangster or a kid in high school? And if Biggie was a poseur, so what? What are you? FanBoy #1? Do you people pray to your favourite rappers? [BLEEP!]

M Okay, I’m under the gun. I’ve got to leave and make my music FIRE out west. But I’ve got to get rid of a Hammond, an old Telecaster copy, drums, lots of cool records in good shape, furniture, etc, etc. Come by Mozart and Waverly, Nov. 29 or 30, I’ll leave out a sign. See ya. Billy Buster busting out. [BLEEP!]

F Hey Rant Line™, it’s Lola Star calling. I’m just calling to give a shout out to my girl, Tracey. She won Miss Portugal 2008 of Montreal. She’s the FLYEST, sexiest, coolest girl you’ll ever meet. She’s a homegrown celebrity, so if you see her on the street, give her a what’s up. Congratulations, mama. You did it. I love you and all the best. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, you know that space on the metro that is reserved for WHEELCHAIRS? When’s the last time you saw a wheelchair in the metro? In fact, none of the metro stations in Montreal are even wheelchair accessible! Way to go, STM. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, hi, this is for that guy who says there’s no places that serve breakfast all day. Well, he’s wrong. There’s Dusty’s on Parc and Mont-Royal. There’s Cosmo’s on Sherbrooke. And there’s Astra Deli. Good luck. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, I’m calling because my stupid friend forgot her money and we’re supposed to go to a concert and now I have to wait at this fucking cold metro station and that’s a load of bullshit because we were supposed to be there by now and my hands are cold, my nose is about to fall off because, you know, it’s COLD OUTSIDE and waiting for her dad to bring her money. We want to meet fucking GUYS but we can’t do that standing here in a fucking cold metro station sitting on cold seats that are metal and broken and yucky. It smells like cat piss and she has to get her dad—her father!—to bring her money. Her father! We should just take the bus home. [BLEEP!]

M Masturbation… is something you do when you’re alone. Do you ever use shampoo for LUBE? I have. [BLEEP!]

F All right. I’m looking for a strictly male point of view. If you guys can holler back and let me know: what in your opinion do you think is the best STRIP SONG for a girl to perform on the POLE, in the club? Let me know. [BLEEP!]

Got an opinion on the local muisc scene?
We want to hear from you!
Call (514) 271-RANT (7268).