Junk hunk

Selling smiles and picking up crap

by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Paolo Di Pietro

Age: 21

Occupation: Junkman

Bio: When this highly enthusiastic NDG hunk isn’t busy studying social sciences at Dawson or working on his cars, he’s out in the wild collecting and disposing of people’s old crap for 1-800-GOT-JUNK. A big fella standing six feet tall and weighing in at 240 pounds, everyone should be as thrilled about their $10-an-hour gig as Paolo, who speaks of his employment in only the most glowing of terms. “This is the kind of job where, if you can last two weeks, you can last forever. That’s if you can handle the stress of it, because it really does get stressful sometimes.” He drives a 1988 Ford Thunderbird and a “boring” 2002 Volkswagen Golf.

In the grand scheme of things, how can collecting people’s crap and throwing it into a truck possibly be especially stressful? “Are you serious? Stress comes in when we have a poorly managed route or when things go haywire. Like, a truck is generally supposed to take maybe two hours to fill, but sometimes it can take as much as six hours. And you see, the way we charge is exclusively by volume—included in the price is the lifting, loading, sorting, dump fees and gas. So occasionally we screw ourselves by underestimating certain things like travel time and how much effort will be involved. That’s when things can get pretty stressful, believe me. Because what we sell are smiles. Yes, that’s what 1-800-GOT-JUNK is here for, to sell smiles and pick up people’s crap.”

Must one be a big bruiser to do his job successfully? “No, we even have two girls working with us. Sure, they’re tough cookies but they’re girls! Working at JUNK isn’t about heavy lifting, it’s not even about the hard work. It’s about meeting people and enjoying the job and learning how to talk to people, up-selling and showing them we’re here to provide amazing service and make them happy. Because we sell smiles at JUNK!”

Speaking of selling smiles, do people ever make the mistake of thinking 1-800-GOT-JUNK is the pager number of a very bold heroin dealer? “Never.”

One perk to being a junkman: Getting first crack at people’s garbage. “You wouldn’t believe some of the shit I’ve got, man! Two 20-inch flat screen monitors that work perfectly, two really nice new Pentium 4 computers, a top-end JVC surround system, countless car tools for working on my car—it’s been incredible! Not long ago, we got two gi-normous truckloads of brand new unopened Nivea skincare products. Brand new! I’ve got so much junk now it’s great! Two weeks ago, I found a clock under all this debris that turns out to be worth $1,000. We find cool stuff all the time, several times a week if not every day.”

Does he ever wind up collecting people’s private sex tapes and similarly fun items that they’ve mistaken for junk? “No, but when I first started, one team went to this guy’s house and collected all this weird stuff, like kiddy porn and whips!”

Last book read: The Haynes car repair manual for Ford Thunderbirds 1985-’88, by Larry Warren.

Musical preferences: Lil’ Wayne, No Doubt, Sibelius.

Words of wisdom: “There but for the grace of God go I.”

Comments: dimwit@hdot.net