Gnawing
suspicion

When a relationship hits the 11th year, any number of things might cause its sudden cessation. Extramarital roamings, for example, or a sudden bout of same-sex curiosity. Or, sometimes, the sneaking suspicion that that bastard has stolen your false teeth and just doesn’t want to give them back. Entering the ring at scenario number three, Louise Deeringer of Tampa, Florida.

Deeringer asked her boyfriend of 11 years, Guy Dugas, if he’d seen her teeth anywhere. When Dugas said he hadn’t, Deeringer accused him of lying. Accusations turned to argument, turned to shouts and shoving. Deeringer says Dugas gave her “flying lessons”—a throwing in the air, a shove to the ground. She grabbed a knife. He fled through the front door. She chased. He ran in through the back. “You’re going to tell me where my teeth are or I’m going to kill you!” Dugas locked himself in the bathroom. Deeringer stabbed, instead, the less-murderable wooden door. And then the police arrived, sat Deeringer down for questioning in her mobile home and, as the story is told, her eyes drifted to the TV stand. Ah yes. That’s where she’d left them.

Deeringer now faces aggravated assault with a deadly weapon charges; Dugas, domestic battery charges.

by SCOTT SAXON